Lost and Insecure™ (Harry Styles) [✔] Completed

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It was the beginning of November. The weather was cold already and trees leaves were dying. Christmas is one of my favourite holidays. Not for the presents, but for the beautiful concept of it.

The lights brighten up the streets, people dressed as St. Nicholas in the malls whilst the children whisper their most wanted presents in their ear as they're sat on his lap. Everything about Christmas is lovely. Well, everything except for one thing; him. He was my one and only love. The first I really felt connected to after multiple tries with other men. But now he's gone and I'm left confused.

As I sat down at my desk, I turned on the table lamp to light up the quiet space. My fingers flipped to a clean page. Whilst I picked up my favourite pen, I sighed.

This was my only way to get my feelings out. If he ever found this notebook, I think I might jump off a bridge. It contains all my thoughts, unspoken words, deepest feelings, strongest desires, and largest fears. All the things I wish I could tell him were in this one book of lined pages, blank or filled with words.

I placed my pen to rest on my right ring finger whilst my middle, index, and thumb gripped it. The page seemed to fill up with words in my mind as the thoughts became a story.

"16 April, 2012 was the day I met him. His curly hair pushed to the side, brow furrowed as he typed away on his phone. He was extremely immersed in whatever or whoever he was texting. So immersed that he hadn't seen me until the last second.  

I too was texting and not paying attention to my surroundings. I'd reached the curb of the sidewalk and started to step off when a strong hand latched onto my arm. I whipped my head up to have my gaze met with worried green eyes. A large gust of wind along with a wave of dirty street water blew up onto my clothes from a passing by car. However, I couldn't seem to look away from those eyes. They were so captivating, so full of mystery, hurt, and beauty. I wanted to know the person behind those eyes that told a whole story on their own. 

He offered me to come to his flat and get cleaned up. I was hesitant at first, but then accepted when I remembered how intriguing just his green eyes were. They made me want to know him, want to hold him, want to make that hurt I'd seen in them disappear. So, I went to his flat with him."

*FLASHBACK*

There was a knock on the door, making me jump under the warm water of the shower. I heard the door to the bathroom crack open. There was a light sound of clothing being placed on the edge of the sink counter. I stood still in the shower until the door had closed again.

When I got out, I saw that there was a shirt and pants along with some socks and a brush. They were girls clothes and just my size. How did he know my size? More importantly, where did he get these clothes?

I brushed the questions from my mind and was just grateful that I had some clothes to wear; my others were covered in filthy brown water. After putting the clothing on and brushing out my hair, I gathered my own and went to the sitting room. The nice curly-haired man was sat on the sofa flicking through the different stations on the Telly. His eyes peered up at me when I walked into the room.

"I should probably get going. Thank you for everything," I said smiling with appreciation at the end of my sentence.

"You could stay... Um, only if you want," he offered.

"Do you live alone?" I quizzed.

"Yeah... It gets a little lonely," he admitted."

"I guess a little whilst longer won't hurt," I smiled at him warmly and he reciprocated the gesture.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"Jewls?" a familiar voice asked from the other side of my bedroom door, tearing me out of my journey to memory lane.

The smile automatically left my face as I realised whom it was. I closed my notebook and hid it under some other books. After placing my pen in the cup where many of them resided, I opened my bedroom door.

He stood with his hands shoved in his pockets. Somehow I still found such a laid back posture beautiful on him.

"Yes, Harry?" I inquired.

"Uh, I was just wondering if you wanted pizza..."

"Sure, that'd be nice. How much do you-"

"No, don't worry about it; I'll pay this time."

"Oh, okay."

He walked away almost awkwardly. I quietly closed my door and slid down the wood until my bum touched the carpeting.

If I could, I would just huddle up right here and cry. But I can't, he couldn't know that I wanted him back. I wouldn't allow it.

The only reason we still lived together was because we'd had a four year contract. One year had gone by and now it's almost two. Two more painful years left of staying here with him and wishing I could go back to that night in July. Wishing I could calm him down. Wishing I could patch up the hole created in the wall and fix everything that happened that night. But most of all, wishing he was mine.

Soooo, should I continue? Hmm? Hmm? Haha :) Please let me know! :D