Who Will I Become?

Chapter Two

I grab my books for my next class which happens to be English. After my Planning For The Future course, the rest of the day I have boring, core subjects.The day slowly ticks by. I didn't learn much, to be honest, because I was too busy thinking about what Sam said. Of course, I wanted to know what Sam was going to pick too but not nearly enough to risk imprisonment. The final bell of the day rings, releasing us from this jail cell. I got lucky, no homework for me tonight. As I'm heading out the front door of the school after dropping off my stuff, I see Gray. Gray is well, my crush. Yes, even though we don't have a gender picked yet we can still be attracted to people. Who we are attracted to just sometimes changes after our choice. Gray has light brown hair and blue eyes. Gray's hair is medium length just like the rest of us but has slightly broader shoulders than some of us and a long lean torso that connects to smaller hips. I hope whatever I pick, that Gray picks the opposite; that way maybe we will have a chance of being together. Gray sees me looking and flashes me a big smile before giving me a wink. I really like Gray and Gray knows it. But I have no idea what Gray's feelings are toward me. We aren't allowed to date until after the decision so that doesn't help any. I give Gray a small wave as I walk by all the while blushing strongly as I reach my truck. I grab the keys and press the button to unlock the door. It's a fairly new model, a 2059 black Dodge truck with all the new bells and whistles. My parents just bought it for me a few months ago as an early graduation gift. It's got all the fancy things you would expect: heated and cooling seats, massagers in the seats, wi-fi, the radio and windows respond to voice commands, and the car drives itself wherever you ask it to go. "Farah, please head home." I ask clearly as I buckle my seat belt. We also get to name our own vehicles, as you can tell.

"As you wish, Alex." Farah replies before pulling slowly out of the parking lot, "How was your day at school?"

"Long and boring as per usual. Except Sam and I had a weird conversation. I don't know where we stand at the moment. And I have no idea which gender I want to choose and I only have two weeks. Two weeks, Farah!" I answer back. It's kind of awesome that your vehicle has a personality. It's like having a diary that replies back and will never tell your secrets.

"Miss Alex, you know that you will figure it out. It will come to you and you will know deep down that it is the right choice. As for Sam, maybe just give Sam some time. I'm assuming your conversation was about your decision; and Sam's probably just as confused as you are and just really needs some time to think about it individually. Didn't you say, you think that Sam will choose female?"

"Yeah. I think so. Sam just acts so girly, ya know? So "average" as my teachers would call it. As for Gray, that's a completely different story. I have no idea which direction Gray will choose and if it's the same as mine; I'll have to lose my feelings for Gray and find somebody new in my life..."

"It will all work out." Farah replies, calmly. Five minutes later we pull up in front of my house. It's average, just a small two story house, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, with a lot of windows, and a dull beige exterior. We're located in the middle class range; my parents aren't especially wealthy but we get by. I twist around my seat and grab my stuff from the backseat.

"Bye, Farah." I say as I shut and lock the doors on my truck. I walk up the cement sidewalk and enter through the wooden front door. "Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad." I call as I head up the flight of stairs to my bedroom. I throw my stuff on the bed and then flop down beside it. What should I do? Which should I choose? The questions run through my mind for hours even when I turn on Netflix, which is still around, and try to watch my favorite shows. Eventually I give up with that idea and turn off my laptop. Then I wander over to my closet to change into pajamas. I find my warm, fluffy, zebra ones. They always seem to comfort me when I'm anxious. I change and then climb into bed and burrow underneath the mountain of blankets. "Turn the lights off and turn the heated blanket on, please." I say loudly to my house. It responds immediately, and meets my desires. I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep. As I close my eyes and try to drift into unconsciousness the questions swim through my mind yet again. I push them back to a hidden corner in my brain and within minutes, I am in a quiet, deep sleep.

This trend continues for the next thirteen days, except now exams are underway so I have to study as well. School, study, eat, sleep. Repeat. These are my days. It goes by in a blur, with me constantly thinking about the questions. I think the rest of my class is too. Everybody is quiet. Everybody is deep within their own minds, thinking. Everybody doesn't know what their choice should be. Sam and I barely talk. A quick hello every morning and some small talk in the classes that we share, but not like usual. I'm trying to give Sam as much space as needed. It's hard. I miss Sam almost everyday but I know we can't talk about our choice and that's the giant, awkward, elephant in the room. Neither of us know how to avoid the subject, I think. Hopefully once graduation is over, things will go back to the way that they used to be, I think to myself. Then it hits me. It has been thirteen days. Graduation is tomorrow. Tomorrow I will have to decide. At this revelation, my anxiety starts to kick in; I chew my nails down to their quicks, I pull at any loose threads and beads I can find on my clothes, I constantly play with my hair. I try to keep as busy as can be. The day and night pass slowly, at the pace of a snail, it seems.