The Long Journey {COMPLETED}

Chapter 22: The Aftermath

(A/N Hey, if you want to skip this it's ok because it's kind of dark but I felt like I should put some rage in here and J, if you are reading this please don't get mad. Anyways, very dark during parts of this so,,,,, yeah.)
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"Ann, oh my god I'm so sorry for how I treated you earlier." Jeremy rushed when I picked up my phone.
"You aren't completely forgiven. You did call abused people freaks." I told him and looked at my scars which were exposed because of the dress. There were no sleeves so I was stuck looking at them. Right now I longed for the long sleeves that prevented everyone from seeing my scars, the sleeves that if I had just kept on wouldn't have led to this. But maybe part of me had always wanted to show the world.
"I'm so sorry. She, I lose my mind when I'm around her. I didn't mean to offend you. But I think of myself as a freak, you aren't but I am."
"No, you are wrong, you aren't a freak!" I told him firmly.
"Ann, you don't have to lie to me. I know it's true."
"But it's not! You aren't a freak. You are amazing and I meant it when I told you that I love you." I told him, suddenly wanting to be able to hug him. To be next to him, but he needed space, Kate had told me that.
"Please tell me you didn't leave and run away. Please come home." He told me and I could hear the pleading tone in his voice.
"I will when Kate wakes up."
"Where are you guys?"
I hesitated before responding, "your- your old house."
"Ok, I'll be there soon."
"Why?"
"Because Kate will be out for hours." He said and hung up. I leaned my head back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. How has so much changed in this single day? But what if everything was just leading up to this? I mean everything did seem like a fairytale and that should have scared me. Like I have never had any type of fairytale life so I was stupid to not think I would come across and issue, everyone knew that. But I was so naive, life wasn't a fairytale. Fairytale's are just that, made up and non-realistic. How stupid was I to think that I could be in love with someone that I've really only known for a month. And I stupidly jumped without making sure there was water in the place the lake was supposed to be. And luckily there was a little water but not as much as there should be. I was always warned about how stupid I was, but I didn't believe my father. I should have though, and maybe if I had done something differently then I wouldn't be suffering right now. Had I made a single choice different then I could be dead right now, and sometimes I wonder if that would have been better, nicer, easier, than this. It probably would. No suffering, just sliding into the unknown quietly, like I almost had the first time my dad almost hurt me. I had been in so much pain that by the end of the night I was numb, I didn't feel anything and wondered if that was the feeling of death. Uncertainty of if you are just sleeping or are in such a deep sleep that you will never wake up. That night I fought the impending threat of sleep because as much as I wanted to give up I didn't want to give my father that level of satisfaction. But again, I'm drifting off to the state of doubting if I made the right choice. Any number of things could have gone differently based on a few choices. Someday I'll probably look back on this and smile because I'll think I was brave, but no, I'm just a coward. That day I chose to go to the Amerly's instead of home was the day that I really became a coward. I was so afraid of my dad that I practically went to a strangers house to get away from him. I could have gotten hurt or any number of things but I was that much of a coward. Had I gone home and fought my father and killed him I wouldn't even feel this shitty, because then I would know that I stood up for myself, not in a cowardly way that let him go quietly. I wanted to hear him scream for me to stop. To have him beg me to show him the mercy that he never showed me during all of the countless beatings he carried out on me. I now realize how badly I wish I could have been there so he could see my face the way that I always saw him. Maybe then after getting my recent I would feel better instead of being angry at myself for letting him have his way. He tore me apart and still came out on top. As much as it may seem like I won he did because he never experienced getting held down as his drunken father raped him. He didn't fear the one person that was supposed to live him. And for that I hate him. I wish that the police had found him alive and got to send him to jail for everything he did to me. For killing my mom. My birth mother. Sure Jessica was there until I was 7 but she told me that she isn't even my real mom. Another woman was, but my father killed her as soon as I was born because she wasn't good enough for him and tried to get him to step up and be my real father and love her even though she was just a one-night stand, and he didn't want people to know that he was so unfaithful. So in all reality this man was terrible and even though I'm happy that he can't hurt me anymore I wish he was still alive so he could be sentenced for what he did to her. I don't even know her name. I realize that my thoughts are all over an one minute I wish I had killed him, others I wish I just was there and witnessed it, but others I want him to be alive so he can see the anger in my eyes as I would tell the judge everything he had done. I noticed that a common thing in all of these thoughts, one thing was constant, my want to finally have power over him and for him to see the rage I've built up for him. After sitting in silence I decide to do the one thing I vowed to never do, go to his grave. As I walk out of the house I run into Jeremy.
"Where are you going?" He asked me, clearly worried by the hard look I had on my face. I couldn't see myself but just from the pain in my teeth from having my jaw clenched I figured I looked pretty pissed off.
"To get closure, he ruined the one spot that I used to seek comfort so I'm going to ruin his peaceful spot." I told him with the agitation that I already had growing as I continued.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"No. I need to do this." I paused, "ALONE" I emphasized and walked past him. I knew that we should be working on our relationship but I couldn't think clearly while thinking about my father. Hopefully if I did this then I would never think about him again. At least not with the same dark side that I never knew I had. When I got to the cemetery I walked over to the grave that was supposedly my mom's, but Jessica was still alive so I wondered what body they used, and my fathers. I walked right over the fresh soil and sat down.
"How does it feel father?" I ask him knowing that I will get no response, "not as much fun now that you're the powerless one? I guess now you know how I felt all those years, no power, but guess who is still alive! Me! I am so much better than you! I didn't hurt my daughter, kill her mother, or commit suicide. I am so much stronger than you because through all of it I survived. Sure I ran away from you but I didn't ever give up hope completely, and I never loved you. You dirty and shitty excuse for a man. I hope you are fucking happy. Because ya know what? I am so damn happy that you are dead because now I can be normal. I won't have to get an abortion again! I always thought that you would at least want another thing to torment!" I screamed at his grave and then felt tears stream down my face. It wasn't out of grief for him, but for the child I had once carried. I knew that it would t have survived because I was only 13 but still. I wanted him to see how strong I was. 2 years later, and here I was letting the whole world know. But the worst part was that Jeremy had followed me, and he heard everything.
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Hey guys, I don't remember how old I wanted them to be so I made them 15 and Ann is almost 16 but that may be different from the beginning. I'm sorry for the like month and a half wait but I just didn't have any ideas. And this is t the end yet. I'm hoping to have a few more chapters. Please give me your thoughts and feedback. Love y'all :)