If

#1

If

Written by: Eriece Gay Gabayno

"I don't love you. I mean I do love you but not like the way you do. I can't love you even though I want to. I can never force myself to love you. If I did love you but only by force that wouldn't be love at all" a girl texted to the boy. It took a few minutes for the boy's reply,"What? What are you saying? I know you don't love me. I'm not even your crush anymore. But I love you, I really do. It's alright by me if you don't love me I have already accepted that fact. Besides, loving someone takes time to develop." "I know you love me. That's the problem. You love me but I don't love you so if we still continue this up I'll just hurt you" she sent to him, "You have to move on and forget your feelings for me. I don't want to hurt you anymore that is why I'm stopping our communication. As long as we communicate you won't be able to move on." "You don't want to hurt me? But you are already hurting me right now with what you're telling me" the guy replied "please don't do this." "I'm sorry, it's for the better. I'll understand if you'll get mad at me. It's alright if you cuss me or hate me. Someday you'll realize and thank me for this" the girl texted back. "I can't. I can never hate you. Okay. I'll understand" the boy replied. "I'm not meant for you. God has someone in store for you, and it is not me. Maybe I'm just a lesson in your life. And we're still too young" the girl sent, "I'm sorry. Thank you." "Take care. I love you. Please study hard" the boy texted her. "Take care."

"Hey!" a girl snapped at her. "Huh? Wh - what?" she asked the girl "what did you say?" "I said... nevermind. What are you thinking anyway? Or is it a WHO?" the girl asked. "Psshh.. nothing. I'm hungry. Come on let's buy lunch" she said standing up and walking to the door "You coming Anna?" Anna looked at her with her mouth hanging open and said "I can't believe this. I was asking you that earlier! You're just changing the topic!" "Okay. Fine I am. But I am also hungry so come on and let's buy lunch" she answered Anna who is now pouting. Anna sighed and then cheerfully said "Fine, I'll let it pass for now coz I'm hungry. So let's go feed our tummies!" And so the two girls went to the cafeteria to buy lunch.

When they got to the cafeteria the two girls both ordered their foods and then went to the fountain to eat. "So, were you thinking of him again?" Anna asked her. She looked at her friend and asked her "What are you talking about?" "You're thinking about Jelric again aren't you Mitch?" Anna asked her. Mitch sighed then answered her "Yeah. I just don't get it. I know I don't love him but why does it feel like this? It's so hard. I don't know why it feels like this Anna. I - I" she told her friend with tears daring to fall while biting her lip, "maybe because I wanted a brother so much and found one in him. It's just, maybe I'm not just used to not having communications with him" she added. "Are you really sure you only see him as a brother Mitch?" Anna asked her. Mitch stopped for a moment and thought about the question then looked at Anna and answered her with no doubt "Yes. I don't love him. I mean I do but not like the way he wants me to love him. He's like a brother to me. That's why I wanted to stop our communication because as long as we communicate he can't move on. He loves me and he's in pain because of that. And I don't want to hurt him, not anymore" "Well, aren't you hurting him right now?" Anna asked her. "Well I need to hurt him right now so he would stop hurting more in the future. He might get hurt a lot right now because of what I did but it is nothing compared to the hurt he'll feel everyday as long as we communicate. I know pain Anna, a little pain everyday will kill you more and more as time goes by" Mitch stated. "Well I get your point" Anna told her then stood up, "We better get going. Class is about to start in ten minutes." Mitch also stood up and said "Yeah. Come on. Thanks Anna." "Sure. No problem" Anna answered and then they both went to their classrooms.

Days passed so fast and before she knows it it's already been two months after her last communication with Jelric. Her first two weeks not having communication with him was kinda hard for her since he's the only one she usually texted. Even her best friends don't get much text from her except if its group messages. She wanted to text him badly but reminded herself why she ended things with him and that if she did text him she'll only make it harder for both of them. During the third week she's slowly getting used not having conversations with him. The only thing making it hard for her is that Jelric keeps texting her, whether via group messages or personal messages. And what's worst is he keep mentioning about how broken and hurt he was. The guilt is making it hard for her and he is making it hard for her not to feel guilty.

The next weeks passed and Jelric's messages somehow irritated her, especially the ones where he keep mentioning something about her and her breaking his heart, or how hurt he is and how he should deal with it. She knows that she should understand him because he's just hurt but his "emo-ness" is getting way too much. I mean it is not like they had a love relationship or something, they weren't even "M.U." because she never even loved him or seen him like a lover or whatever.

The rest of the weeks passed by and she wasn't thinking of him too much anymore since school is already giving her enough problems to keep her mind off of him. And it wasn't that hard because she never was in love with him and she's numb or it's hard for her to feel anything. That's also a reason why she ended up things with him because she can't feel much anymore, especially love.