Truthful, Beating Heart

Chapter Four

Trust issues. That's what I have. I wonder if Tony knew that when he made his trust comment. After he said that my brain went on high alert and you could practically feel the mood in the room shift. He didn't try to correct himself nor did he ask what had changed. Maybe he was just shy? I scoffed inwardly. Shy? Right. And I'm a jelly bean. He knew exactly what he was saying. I asked cautiously,

"Why do you say that?" WIthout missing a beat, he said,

"Because you don't trust me. But that's your mind talking, isn't it? Don't listen to it, Erin. Listen to your heart. There isn't always a factual way to look at things. Sometimes its just you and your own heart. You just have to be open to it. " My blood practically boiled. He had no right. He didn't know my story. I lost my temper at that point.

"Gee, thanks Doctor Phil." I retorted. He tried to cut me off but I was to wound up to be stopped. "Trust you!? You are telling me to trust the one who just up and left one day." The tears were coming fast now. "We had a deal! We swore that we would be bestfriends forever. You were supposed to be around forever! That summer, I lost the two people that were never supposed to leave." I took a breath and swiped the tears off my cheeks. Tony quietly said,

"I remember our deal and I won't ever forget it. Part of the reason that I came back was to try and fix what happened."

"You can't fix it." I said. "It's over and that's that."

"But I want to gain your trust back." His voice sounded sincere and I really did want to give it to him. I heard his voice in my head. Listen to you're heart. Be open to it Erin. I took a deep breath and shook my head. He said, gently, "What happened Erin? What could have happened to make you so guarded?" I think it was a rhetorical question but I was done caring. I said,

"Dad left. But you knew that already. What you didn't know is that he came back the week after you were gone. I didn't want to believe it. I felt so horrible after he left that I didn't trust him anymore. I thought that any one who hurt me that badly once didn't deserve to be trusted. Turns out I was right. He moved back in for 6 months before I came home one day from school to find that he had left. Again." Tony put his hand on mine and said,

"I'm so sorry Erin. I had no idea." I pulled away from him, not wanting pity.

"Whatever. That was a long time ago. Now I have Tom and he's amazing."

"I should have been here for you. I'm sorry but I was nine years old." Tony said,  "I had no choice." I knew he was right of course. I really had no right to still be mad but being abandoned by your best friend hurts and that pain was unforgettable. "It doesn't always have to be like that. We are moving back into town now. I won't leave again. I swear."

At that point I did what I hadn't done since Dad left. I listened to my heart. It still beeped strong on the machine. Beep...beep...beep. But it told me what to do. I closed my eyes, took a breath and, not knowing what I was getting into, said,

"Okay."

Note from Abby: So now you have little explaination! I didn't edit so sorry about mistakes. Any feedback is appreciated a lot!! Votes are as well! Thanks for readng!