After a long hour of complete silence I got up. I opened the door and paused as if i needed to apologize to him. "I think my times up," was all i could squeak out. I walked out and quickly shut the door behind me. Katy looked at me with a smile. I could tell she was uneasy after sitting in the waiting room for an hour with the ex-cons. Katy and I ended up going to Sonic. I was still uncomfortable in the car so I sprawled out in the back seat. Katy didnt seem to apreciate that but she made no comment after what i had been through. For a split second I thought about going back and asking the therapist if it was ever going to be normal. If i would ever be O.K. again. But i couldnt say anything right then i just started crying. I cried myself to sleep and woke up when we arrived at my house. I got out of the car and grabbed the Sonic fast food bag. I whipped whatever tears I had on my face and walked into the house after Katy and I collapsed on the couch. Grabbing the Sonic bag I started eating a cheeseburger with curly fries and a milk shake. i closed my eyes and popped another curly fry in my mouth when i felt something jump on my legs. Jerking forward, my eyes opening, and after a slight scream comming out of my mouth i realized it was a puppy. A pure-bred long hair daschund. Katy started laughing. "I bought you this little guy cause I felt like you might need someone.." I picked up the little puppy and started laughing. "Does he have a name?" She had a huge grin on her face and i realized that was the first time i had laughed since the accident. "Nope. You can name him whatever you'd like." The puppy curled up on my lap and stared me in the eye. "Hunter. His name is Hunter." I had eaten half of my burger but wasnt quite hungry to finish the rest. I picked up one more fry and tossed the rest of my food. "Come on hunter, lets go out side!" I said practically jumping out of my seat. Katy and I took Hunter down to the water and splashed around with him. I found a stick and started playing fetch. Hunter didnt seem to understand the whole idea of it. So my game of fetch turned into me throwing the stick and then running with him to the stick and throwing it again. We were out on the beach until 9 p.m. which is later than I have ever stayed out since the accident. Katy offered to go get some ice cream but I wasnt hungry. I just wanted to go onto the balchony and swing on the swing. We ran up to my house and went up to my room. I sat on the swing and for the first time I let someone else on the swing. Nobody else had ever been on that swing other than Tori. It dawned on me that it was the first time I had smiled or even been slightly happen since Tori die- I still can't complete that sentence. I, for a moment, couldnt wait to go to Dr. Henry. Katy decided it was time to go to bed after an hour. I couldnt agree more. As I was getting up I cut my hand on the rusted swing. The blood was flowing so easily. As it was dripping slowly down my arm and onto the floor my body stiffened. It was as if I had been paralized. It kept bleeding. How could that much blood come out from such a small cut? Three or four minutes must've gone by and more wouldve if Hunter hadn't have barked and knocked me out of my focus. "Kaaaty!" She came running in quickly and took one look at me. Her head dropped to the floor. She let a small gasp out and got the phone. 9-1-1, i thought was a little extreme but apparently I was on blood thinners. They burst through the doors and came straight up to where I was. Just like how Katy came up, when the paremedic's came in they gasped. I was starting to go slightly dizzy. We had put pressure on the cut but it hadnt stopped leaking. One of the doctors picked me up and carried me out to the ambulance. I woke up in the hospital. desa vu, much? I had fainted in the ambulance from lose of blood. I lost so much that i had to get a blood transfusion. The doctors also think i did it on purpose. "You realize how dangerous that was. Miss, you couldve killed yourself. You lost a half of your blood. Didnt you realize you were on blood thinners?!"
"What? How was I supposed to know I was on blood thinners?! Why am I even on blood thinners anyway? I am a fourteen year old girl whose bestfriends and sister just died. You expect me to think about all the things you say? It wasnt on purpose! An accident! I cut myself on the swing not a knife!" shouting in defense my heart rate started going crazy. This was the second time I was in a hospital bed for one summer. Personally, I think thats more than one person should have to deal with for a year. But, hey, lets be realistic lifes not fair. That was the exact moment i realized it was going to be a long and cruel summer.
"Ma'am, you need to stay calm or you will hurt yourself more. You were on blood thinners to keep your blood from clotting." the doctor stated. Although, the whole 'calm down' idea didnt really help. The fact that he had said id hurt myself MORE made me utterly angry. I couldnt go anywhere though. I was trapped wih my maddness building up and storing in me. I could feel my face getting mad. I wanted to snap but if i did they would keep sending me to more theapists and couslers. One was enough.
"Im sorry," I said holding back every angry twitch in my body, "but it truly was an accident. Im sure you've seen multiple accidents. There are few people her because they had honestly done something to themselves." My anger turned into saddness when I thought about how many people where in the hospital. Some of these people are really sweet and kind yet they are suffering from terrible diseases and their wonderful families can do nothing but hold their hand, sit there, and watch them in pain. It truly is an unbearable thought. I tilted my head over to Katy. A tear was strolling down her cheek as if she had read my mind.
"I-I'm just going to give you a moment." The doctor left leaving an uncomfortable and awkward tension in the room. It didnt really matter though. Katy grabbed my hand and held it tight. "Im so sorry. This is all my fault!" she was crying so hard her words were almost uncomprehensible.
"This is not your fault! I would be completely lost without you and probably with some foster parents right now instead of somebody who loves me. . . and who i love." Katy just looked up and gave me a smile, an honest smile. It was hard to give a real smile with everything that has happened this summer.
"I have always wanted Tori and you to say that you loved me." I swear that I could see the glimmer of hope in her eye. I had always wanted a mom who was actually there for me and well she was the next closest thing to it. It was a sincere feeling that i could rely on.
"Katy, when can I go back to Dr. Henry?" it dawned on me that I did need help with 'comming to realty'. I needed help so i could give Tori a memorial that she deserves.
"This Thursday." She looked confuse but satisfied.
"Well what day is it?"
"Tuesday."
There came a knock on the door and before i knew it a reporter from the local news paper was in my room.
"Excuse me, can I help you?"
"Yes, actually. I'd like to ask you some questions."
"Well, maybe later. Im going to sleep." I hissed at her question that wasnt actually asking more of stating. Most reporters in our area are horrible and have taken any chance they can at making our family look bad.
