Save Me Tonight

Razors and Recollections

Sarah's POV:

'I hope you are feeling better. Need anything I'm here' his text read. 'Im miss you. Please come here i need you with me always. Pleaseee' i almost sent that but then i changed it to 'okay thankss'.

Wow I'm cool i cant even tell my own angel my true feelings. Im just so stupid. I mentally slapped myself in the face.

The next day i got realeased from the hospital. They said i had a bruised rib, they said from the CPR, and a mild concussion still. I needed to take it easy they said. I was so happy i could finally go home and see niall. I was ready to go home. Once i walked into my house i ran upstairs to take a shower. I turned on the shower and began to shampoo my hair when i looked down and saw a broken blood stained razor on the soap dish. I looked up at my arm and the scars. I remember that incident perfectly since it was the beginning of my down hill spiral.

 

 

**flashback**

**i dated a boy for about 6 months. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Then he texted me saying he didn't want to be with me anymore and that i shouldn't ever speak to him again. I loved this boy, i was gonna let him be my first. I think it was just because i wouldn't put out when he wanted me to, which was often. I went to school the next day and found him making out with a girl thought was my friend.

"Uhmm what are you looking at bitch? He never loved and you better leave. Go f****** kill yourself" she screamed in my face. I ran away with tears in my eyes. "Away look the baby's crying" i heard her say as her voice got more distant. I needed to get away. People laughed. I ran all the way home. It was about a 3 mile run but i didn't care.

I came to school the next day and again they were harassing me. I cried my entire third period so i got sent to the counselor. She made me tell her what happened and explain it to the principal. I was sitting in the office when she walked in. She saw me and knew i told. She mouthed 'f*** you'. I went home and cried the entire day.

Days later i started getting rude messages for every output. Kaitlyn tried standing up for me but she started to get hate. We started not going to school. We transferred to my friends school and were homeschooled half the week together. It was hard but it was better then being bullied at school. But it was still everywhere online. I couldn't handle being talked to like this i just wanted to die. It was my good friends being terrible to me and i didn't feel like i wanted to live anymore. They all said i deserve to die so why shouldn't i? Maybe they wouldn't hate me anymore.

Early one morning i had recently showered and was getting ready for kaitlyn to come over for shool work. I saw the razor i had recently used on my legs and thought 'maybe this would be a good time to end it' kaitlyn wouldn't be over for hours so she wouldn't stop me. I took the razor to skin on my arm. Cut it once. Wasnt enough. Pushed it down deeper. I almost screamed from the pain, tears rushing down my face. I felt everything go blurry but then kaitlyn came in. Before i could do any fatal damage she knocked the razor from hand and held me. I cried in her arms for hours. I got a new number and deleted half of my online profiles. The only ones that stayed up were twitter, instagram and the ones where only strangers knew me. It was better that way.**

 

 

It was fine for awhile but things still began to go down hill, fast. Thinking back i didn't think of others i was selfish and i found out i had one friend, kaitlyn. I got out of the shower and got ready. I text Niall to see if he could hangout. He said yes and gave me his address. I threw the razor in the trash and felt some weight be taken off my shoulders. It felt good. I took the trash bag that held the razor down stairs to the garbage can. I threw it in with a smile. I went to the address Niall gave me it was a hotel. I went to his door and a man answered. He asked who i was and wanted. I told him what i came for and Niall pulled me inside. The door shut. He pulled me in for a tight hug. I looked around and saw four boys messing around. I finally realized where i knew him from. He was in my favorite band one direction.