Welcome to Me

The "girlfriend"

The photo above is a picture of my "lovely" girlfriend. Yes, she is a girl. Yes, I'm sure. If you're not familiar with the whole lesbian thing she is what society would call a "stud". Why? Because she looks, acts, and dresses like a boy. The only thing that separates her from being an actual boy is the fact that she doesn't have a penis. So anyway her name is Gabrielle but her nickname is Gabbie. But to me her name to me is bae, baby, Gabbie, or daddy. I only call her Gabrielle if I'm really mad. But we've been "together" for 5 months and 6 days now and boy it's been quite an experience. The reason why I put girlfriend and together in quotation marks is because well...she cheated on me. From what I understand she kissed some girl by the name of Ebonee twice the same day before she came to see me. She said she did it because she was "sexually frustrated" and because "I wasn't there". I was really upset about that and I still am to this day but that doesn't change that fact that I still love her no matter what. But things have changed A LOT since the "incident" well with me anyway. I have "fallen back" a little from her. Because I feel like I love her too much and I just feel like I'm so lost in my love for her that I'm blind to the fact that she is capable of doing things that can hurt me and do hurt me and that she can man-handle me. I already knew she was cheating on me though because she said the girl liked her and I said well do you want me to tell her to leave you alone and she never gave me a straight forward yes or no answer. Then when I got on the phone with the girl she wanted to have a private conversation with MY girlfriend. I knew something wasn't right and I kept telling Gabbie that I felt like something was going on and I kinda feel like that again right now at this point in our relationship and she just kept lying and deceiving me. I feel like I can't trust her ever again and I have other situations going on at home that I have to deal with on too of our relationship...*sigh* she doesn't get it but it's ok because maybe if I give her a taste of her own medicine she'll finally realize that what she did will never go away and it hurt my heart. But it wasn't the first time she's done something to put our relationship in jeopardy. When we first started talking to each other I was her "best friend" which I guess I was ok with that but if I would've known then what I know now I would've stayed her "best friend" and it never would've went farther than that. But anyway she basically friend-zoned me when I told her I liked her and she claims that "it wasn't like that" and that "she liked me back" but yet she was telling me and her "best friend" that she was in love with her ex-girlfriend. I can feel the tears welling up inside my eyes as I type this and it hurts me to this day. But that's ok because like I said I'm gonna give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she likes it. Because to be honest I never stopped talking to any of the boys I was "talking" to before we started "dating". I don't want to break up with her because I know I'll never get over her and I know that I won't ever find someone else that I care about or love as much as her. She literally has my heart in the palm of her hand even though she stabbed it a few times and stepped on it and froze it then stomped on it until it shattered into tiny little pieces. I still love her. I've also caught her talking to another girl like a week after we started dating and the girl is a friend of mine and she sent me the screenshots. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest right now and I feel A LOT better knowing that I've let all of my true feelings out. Thank you all so much for reading my ranting and raving and I really do appreciate each and every one of you and I love you all so much. I'll probably be back later to write some more though. ttylxox