remind me ; troyler

Chapter Twenty One

Troye's POV

*This is the formal warning to physical and mental abuse mentioned in this chapter. A warning will be placed before it starts.*

Forcefully I strangled another tie around my neck in frustration. Connor and I were going for diner with Tyler and Matthew tonight. At first though I had bluntly refused but soon Connor's patience ran out and he demanded that I went.

"You can't just sit home all day!" He yelled tugging at his hair frustratedly a pink angry hue flushed his pale skin as he rounded the small glass coffee table to grip my shoulders forcefully. I averted my gaze refusing to meet his piercing green glare, feeling guilt and fear swirl in my stomach.

"But home is just a room full of our safest sounds..." I whispered peering up at him from under my thick frame of dark lashes.

"Troye come on," he sighed stretching out a hand to me and grasped my sweaty hands between his warm ones, "don't be difficult. Youe people are worried about you. Haven't you seen their tweets and messages?"

"I haven't." I said glaring pointedly at our entwined fingers. "They don't care about me, for all I know they're all waiting for the day I crash and break down. They forget that I'm only human and I can only do so much. They act like I'm some super hero but behind all that shinny cover and jump cuts sits a broken boy. A broken record player that sings the same lyrics over and over again until it becomes mocked by the vast majority of humanity and is fed new words to bleat out."

"Troye what the fuck are you talking about?" He whispered getting onto his knees before me. I chuckled sourly at how peculiar this position was and now ironic that he was the one asking me what the fuck I was talking about when I could be asking him the same thing. "I'm fine, Connor." I smiled sullenly gazing at him with glazes eyes, my heart nothing but an empty hole in my once wholesome body-- oh, sorry, I've never actually had a heart, because all along I've failed to realize that I'm only half a heart without him.

"Sometimes you have to know that you can't let them control your life." He said gently squeezing my fingers. "And you have can't let Matthew stop you from seeing your friends."

"Friend?" I snorted wrenching my fingers from his grip and slowly stood from my seat, small clicks tickled my back as I stretched. Brushing past Connor I stalked angrily towards my suitcase placed tediously at the edge of the L shaped couch. Fishing out a soft cotton grey shirt from the pile of barely recognizable clothing I tugged it over my head before yanking it off again remembering how Connor was dressed so well and knew I couldn't go out like this. Not that I cared.

"Troye?" Connor asked timidly placing a warm hand on my elbow to steady my trembling arms and I flinched away, my fingers shaking wildly as I tried to button my white dress shirt. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting dressed."

"Oh... So you're coming?" He asked a hint of hope returning to his voice as he spoke.

"Didn't you want me to?" I raised an eyebrow studying his slightly hunched frame with a look of indifference painted on my features though inside I was waging World War Three. Some say to be or not to be, but now I'm saying to go or not to go?

"Y-yes!" Connor blurted a look of pure glee taking over his features. "I'm gonna call Ty and tell him."

••O••

The diner was extravagant and full of bright lights. City sounds rang just beyond the two french doors enclosing me into the night of unknowns.  The fitted black suit hugged my slight form making my twig arms less skinny and my blue eyes a little brighter. Couples twirled gracefully on the dance floor decked out in pinks, reds, blues, and every colour of the rainbow. Chandeliers hung from the high ceilings and candles flickered from the centre of each round table covered in a pearly white cloth. For most this place would be a dream, a fantasy that they would only ever be able to live in once. But for me there was no fantasy for all I felt was a slight twinge of unease. Everything could go wrong tonight, and all I wanted was to take this back and run away. Far, far away from this place that now holds my rapist who no one knows about and my two best friends. The walls seemed to close in on me and the air suddenly seemed too thick and heavy. But I forced myself onwards, one step. Two step. Keep going Troye, you have to. But what a pity party this is, for if I ran away I would be titled Cry Baby to all of mankind. Because I was forced into the spotlight and there is no going back now.