Adventures in bullshit

Hooray Torture!

Now before you go thinking "oh shit this person is fucked up in the head" lemme just tell you. I am, torture type shit makes me laugh idfk, makes my older brothers laugh too so just don't even worry about it. So obviously we've given a lot of thought to murder and torment of people and here are some of the things we've thought of. And you know who, yes you the one writing murder stuffs feel free to use the ideas actually please do I wanna see these in something good. This is something I once thought up to freak out my creative writing teacher. I'd do this to someone who talks too much (if I ever met myself I'd do it to me). You can either rip out the trachea\vocal cords with a blunt knife and wrap them around their neck. The problem with this is they would die quickly but it would be very satisfying to do. The other way is surgically taking out the cords and trachea and hanging them by them either way you can go "I would say I've got you tongue but that'd be redundant". Not 100% sure if it would work but either way you'd get some giggles out it and a fun night or day our whenever you prefer to giggle torture. Something I thought of at a church camp (go figure) is something that I learned better about recently. The professional way is you give your buddy locational anesthetic in their hands or hand. And you take thin metal objects and stab them under their finger nails and you wait for the anesthetic to wear off and while you wait, slowly ever so slowly the pain will return. In the professional way you have their hands like pinned to the table. My way you can get everything at Wal-Mart the only downside, you have to go to Wal-Mart. You get an arm chair and duck tape and some toothpicks, salt and lemonade and two hand sized planks of wood. This is a work in progress as I'm writing this. You tape the planks to the chair so that way when the person is sitting their hands are open palmed on the planks. Then you sit the person down and tape them up make sure they can't wiggle out. You then spread salt around and under their hands on the planks. I lied the next part you can used locational anesthetic if you want after that you stab the toothpicks under their fingernails the salt is there to keep them from moving around too much. (this might be over complicated but eh) you can also remove the tape and put their hands in lemonade and soak em another thing is just soak the toothpicks in it, speaking of soaking while the toothpicks are under the fingernails they might soak up blood and expand so extra pain yay. Christ I'm going to jail then hell, then jail in hell for being too fucked up. Feel like I could also get arrested for going into such detail...best not worry too much about it. This thing is if you like sports or need a paperweight. So this one is simple you either cut or tear out their kneecaps and play a hockey type game. I don't how much kneecaps weigh but if they're heavy boom paperweight and memory of your job well done. The last thing I wanted something involved with fire but the only thing I could think of that wasn't a little cliché was putting a bag of gasoline inside someone with a tube leading out of one of the openings and then lighting it but that's sounds a little boring don't you think? Anyway I have absolutely no explanation for this not sure if I have any reason maybe I'm not entirely sure I only remember 2/3s of my childhood soooooooo punchline yay. Fin, end...g- g- go do something productive or read something actually good.