The Player Diaries

August 18, 2015

Dear Diary,

I am considering calling you 'Bro.' But you would probably hate it. I just do not think 'Diary' or 'D' is still appropriate to the level of our friendship.

I am starting my senior year today and it sucks having to do it in a different school.

Can I just remind you that I was not even expelled? The school gave me an 'honorable dismissal' because of my exemplary contributions--three state championships, baby!

But is falling in love wrong? I do not think I should be punished for loving someone.

Or maybe the part when I fall out of love after three days in the average is wrong? But what can I do? They give me reasons to leave them especially Mia--the Helen to my Troy. When I knew her mother is Mrs. James, the wicked principal, I had to abandon the ship. And what did Mrs. James do? We both know she used her Maleficent evilness to kick me out. It was a good thing I still got fairy godmothers in the school board to grant me a way better term for expulsion.

Anyways, as I was saying--why hide your flaws? I just get turned off when I discover it especially when the girls lie about it to impress me or to look cool--just like when I found out Nicole only got a C+ in the Algebra exam when she told me she aced it, or when Samantha pinned her best friend for owning a clown collection she really owned when I said I hated clowns, or when Maggie confused 'your' and 'you're' in her handwritten letter to me, or when Jane lied about being a virgin. The list just goes on.

Oooh! Let me tell you about Samantha's best friend--Claire. I forgot to write about her because we finished just when we started. (And because of Mary, my rebound, gave me four magical nights in a row before I found out she actually hated cats. Well you already know how disappointed I was when I saw her kick Zildjian.) Anyway back to Claire, my heart could not take it when I saw her crying when the gossip that she owned a clown collection spread like wildfire. Of course we all know it was Samantha who started it that's why I broke it off with her immediately. How can you do that to your best friend? So I offered Claire a ride home. I gave her a hug that led to kissing that led to her inviting me to her room. We were undressing each other as soon as we entered her house. My eyes were closed because we were kissing but I had to open them because we had to climb the stairs. And BAM--there were no clowns but there were CREEPY DOLLS EVERYWHERE. I acted as if I forgot a family dinner, picked up my clothes, ran and never looked back.

I genuinely fell in love with all of my ex girlfriends--the way they same my name, the way they smile, the way they do me, the way they react when I do them--but why did they have to pretend they are perfect?

That's enough about my love life. So this new school is a little farther but the good thing is they know about my reputation--good looks, intelligence, athleticism--the girls are excited for me.

Ooops I just heard my stomach growl. I got to go now to feast on pancakes. And I do not want to piss off Mom anymore if I show up late. I have been doing the dishes and was not allowed to leave the house for two weeks in a row. The worst part is she hid my car keys. Now I have to drive her soccer mom van. Yesterday, she even reminded me that there's a bus stop just around the corner if ever I mess up one more time.

Can't wait to tell you about my first day and my future first girlfriend in the new school. Here I come Pab High School!

With love,
Ally

PS I love you Mom! I know you sneak into my room to read my diary. Please give me my car keys back. I promise to behave accordingly. xo