Awakening (konnie)

A day I don't want to remember.

(Johnnie's pov)

As I walk out of the cold Dark Shadows, I can't see the light the one that everyone says is there right before you die.

I can't tell if I'm either going to heaven or hell- this dark place in a messed up sort of way has the essence of home.

It has the feeling of neglect and pain overwhelming the very air I breathe.

Where am I?

How did I come be in a place such as this?

How do I escape this imprisonment?

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!"

My eyes shoot open, a trickle of sweat runs down my forehead.

What was that place? I wonder.

Was it all just a dream? It felt so real what was happening to me?

As my confusion grew stronger there's a little voice yelling in the back of my head telling my body to get off the ever so comfortable bed in which I have been chained to for the last three months of summer, today was going to be the most dreadful day yet my first day of freshman year.

"Johnnie! Honey come on we need to get going we don't want you to be late."

My mother's insanely annoying voice rung throughout my ears, leaving me in a pissed mood. She's right, though- I shouldn't miss many schools, no matter how much I wanted to.

I wiggle out of my damp T-shirt and throw it onto the carpet floor.

I notice one very vital object laying in the corner beside my old dresser, my old bloody razor just sitting there out in the open- probably from last night when I threw it to see if my mom would notice.

If she did see, she'd send me to the mental hospital for sure.

I get out of the old run down piece of junk my mom calls a car and walk the sidewalk to the entrance of the school already

little swarms of people forming groups and as usual, I'm the loner unable to interact with other people, due to my social anxiety It's hard for me to fit in and get close to people because I don't want to go through the pain of losing them once again.

What's a bigger pain in the ass I've devolved separation anxiety over the past couple of years, always being afraid of getting close to people and also afraid of losing that individual once you've clung onto them it's a brutal fact in which I have to endure. just the perks of being born so fucked up sometimes I wish my mom would've gotten that abortion just so I don't have to feel so alone in this god forsaken the world unable to find happiness in anything.

As I walk the halls of hell I can't seem to find any of the rooms I've been signed to it's like a maze and I'm the rat trying to find the cheese, "you lost?"

An unfamiliar voice comes from behind me giving me a little fright, I turn around to find a scrawny/adorable kid who doesn't look much older than me standing there.

"um..Yeah, I guess I am haha" my anxiety is going to get the better of me I can already feel my breathing getting heavier I have to escape his stunning face before I go into a full blown anxiety attack and that wouldn't be much of a good impression.

"so what's your name new guy?"

new guy? Is he in a higher grade than I am, well I guess I do still look like I'm a middle schooler in a way.

"M..My name I...Is Johnnie."

damn I could barely get the words out fuck I wish I never had anxiety it's too much to deal with I just want it to end all of it once and for all, is that too much to ask?

"No need to be nervous newbie I'm not gonna bite" the next thing I know his cheek is rubbing against mine and he whispers in a raspy, seductive voice...

"Yet..."

He left me in a very confused state, and already I can feel my face getting warmer I know I'm blushing at this point.

The bell rings and I'm running past, bumping into almost everyone I saw, already knowing this was going to be an awful year for me, but I didn't know I'd have to deal wit being in two hell's at once. "what a great fucking day!"

I scream as I'm running avoiding all the eyes that cross my path.