Awakening (konnie)

You can't trust this sick world

The next dreadful morning wasn't pleasant not one bit.

I woke up to a screaming mother, a drunken perverted dad stroking my thy pretending to be concerned with my life choices.

I didn't want to deal with it not today, so instead of staying there in that godforsaken place I just ran far away, as far as I possibly could!

My thoughts are consuming me my poetry is becoming even more gruesome, the thoughts I've written on paper get to set ablaze and burned.

As I see a deserted little tree house I go up the small steps and sit in a dark corner, grab out my phone and start writing.

When you feel like your falling and you can't seem to get back and walk your own way or can't seem to stop hurting yourself because you feel like your not worthy enough for this world so you sit there rocking back and forth just so you can keep calm but you get up and run far away as far as you possibly can until you can't even see the horizon nothing but complete darkness overwhelms your mind, body, and soul, and you can't escape it.

Yet you can't run away from the pain it always finds a way to come back with more force knocking you to the ground, your mind is your bully, the demons in your head tease and haunt you every waking second, you sit there in a dark musty bathroom crying taking the razor blade to your skin and you take your last final breath and die a little each time a little each and every time you leave that one memory and you finally say goodbye to the world, you get stuck inside your head unable to find an exit the only option that makes sense to you is your own painful demise, it shouldn't matter much cause your already dead inside.

You search all around that neglectful intoxicating house for your anti-depressants wanting to have that release you've always wanted.

You open the child proof bottle counting down the seconds, controlling your anxiety filed breaths knowing in that very second you'll be free from this world that doesn't even want you here, to begin with.

You forcibly shove the pills down your throat one by one taking a little sip of water each time, already feeling tired and dizzy, you lay on your crimson stained bed full of painful memories closing your eyes with your suicide note resting in your hand finally dreaming a peaceful dream about an afterlife of happiness, waiting second after second the blissful light everyone talks about, but there's nothing just darkness feeling utterly alone, and then you fade away, forever gone...

My hand is starting to cramp and as the day turns into the night my eyes are weighing down and before I know it I'm drifting off into a deep sleep not caring about the consequences awaiting me when I get home.

"Hey man is you OK, Do you need me to call someone?"

My sleep was interrupted by a deep yet relaxing voice, I open my eyes to see a middle aged buff white male standing before me, "um yeah I'm fine I guess I accidentally fell asleep I'll just leave."

As I try to get up my legs seem to still be in dreamland, I tumbled to the floor only to be caught by the strange man "OK young man be careful, how about I take you to my house and you can relax a little, does that sound good? My name is Jason by the way."

Without even thinking I agreed and stumbled off with him.

Once we got to his house he propped me on the couch, "I'll get you some water wait here" I got comfortable and reached into my pocket to grab my phone but of course it's dead so I put it back, out of boredom I decided to scan the small room and out of worry I didn't see a phone anywhere, the room was a little disorganized but still clean, I stopped my snooping for a second and noticed there are barely any photographs only old looking pictures of deer that had been freshly hunted with that Jason man standing over them with what looks to be a rifle.

The man walked into the room and handed me the glass, as I took a little sip and stop to think about the situation I'm in, I'm in a stranger's house with no way of calling for help if needed.

"Um, do you have a cell phone anywhere?"

My voice had become clouded with fear and anxiety, but I managed to calm down, "Oh I'm sorry I do not" his voice was a little concerning, my throat became so very dry so I gulped down the rest of the water and rubbed my dreary eyes.

Next thing I know the room was spinning and in an instant turned pitch black.

My eyes open and I'm in a strange place, my vision is still blurry starting to straighten I seem to be in some sort of basement, I'm terrified my hands are chained to a bed, my anxiety is rising I'm kicking screaming "HELP ME, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME, CALL 911 DO SOMETHING!"

nothing worked all it did was echo off the walls and back into my ears.

My head is throbbing I don't know what's gonna happen to me, all these thoughts spiral in my head, where am I?

Where is that guy, I'm Jason I believe his name was if that's even the truth! What does he want with me, what is he gonna so?

My heart is beating so fast I might get a heart attack!

As I was freaking out a heard someone coming down creaky steps, it was him, Jason.

"Rise and shine Sleeping Beauty" a sinister smile appears on his face, "W..What do Y..You want with me?"

I had no intentions to hide my blatantly obvious fear, "oh hush, hush little one no need to be nervous I'll take good care of you."

He moved closer and closer to me already I can see his already pulsing bulge, it takes my mind to all those helpless nights with my step-foster dad the way he'd violate my body strip away any and all sense of my dignity, and I know I'm going back to those places once again.