Nine Stars

➸ Chapter 4

" Rather than wishing for change, you first must be prepared to change. "  ― Catherine Pulsifier

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Fourth Night

Hm, 5 days more but it feels like forever. You know, not all people are there to love you, to stay with you. Not all things are permanent, they are all temporary. iPhones, laptops, love, fame, beauty. Can't you see? They are just illusions to make you believe that they're permanent. I think of having this characteristic called liberosis, i badly need it. I want to be as hard as a stone, not feeling anything, unbreakable. Different emotions for one person. 

Today, I don't know what to feel anymore. I just wanted to be a statue, even if you hurt it so damn much it wouldn't feel anything but it would break. Yes of course, people break down. We're not robots damn.

8 o'clock am

I was holding a cup of tea, still warm when suddenly I heard a knock at our main door. I went downstairs and saw Autumn waving her hand like a baby. Gosh, why now? I'm still not yet ready. Fudge.

" Hey Cass! I'm here to be your cheerleader. Ahahahaha okay joke. " Okay? She always cracks a joke but I never laughed at it like what am i supposed to be laughing at? Ahahahaha.

" Okay? So why are you here Autumn? What is it that you want? " Ugh, i should be straight to the point. I should tell her right now but I'm not yet ready. I can do this. Or maybe not. Ayt.

" Hm, how about we bond here in your house? " Maybe now is not the right time.

" Sounds good to me. "

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" So what should we do today Cass? Uhm, how about we watch movies? " I haven't watched any movies in a while now. Good.

" Yeah sure. What do you want Romance or Horror? " Well, I'm good with any of the choices.

" ROMANCEEEEEE! YAAAAY! "

So, we decided to watch Love Rosie. It is a story about 2 best friends. A boy and a girl. They love each other, but they kept their feelings to themselves. Time passes by, and the girl named Rosie was pregnant to the boy Greg while her best friend named Alex had a girlfriend. So, Rosie was married to Greg with her child and Alex was also married to her girlfriend. In the end, Rosie opened up her new hotel for it was her dream and Alex came by to check in ; there rose the revelations that they love each other and lived happily ever after.

Not all stories have happily ever after. I realized that it was fate that brought them together no matter what because they're destined for each other.

" Aw, the story was so good Cassy. Omg, it was both heartbreaking and extremely happy. " She was so hooked with the movie that it made her cry while watching. aw. such a cry baby. ahahahaha.

" I know right. You wanna eat pizza? I ordered it a while ago and it would be here anytime now. " And as I said that, I heard a knock from the main door. There it was! the pizza. <3 

We ate our pizzas. Ohhh delicioso. Yummy! And we headed back to my bedroom.

I chose to broke the silence and said " Autumn, I have a question. Would you miss me if I will be lost in your life forever? " Ugh, why the fuck did I ask that?!

" First of all, there is no such thing as forever. Forever is just an ordinary 7 lettered-word, it doesn't exist. It is just a hallucination. If you believe it then you're a fool. Second, the fuck Cass?! Of course i would miss you! If ever that happened, i don't know what to do with my life anymore. It's like a puzzle that couldn't be solved because you are the missing piece. " Aw, i feel that my tears would fall anytime right now. I quickly blinked my eyes and wiped the tears so that she wouldn't notice. Ugh, i don't know how will I say it to her. Damn it. 

" Thanks Autumn. You know I couldn't stay in your life for eternity and you know that right? But I promise to be here always when you needed me okay? " I hugged her tightly and I don't want to let go but I have to. 

" Why do I feel like you're going to leave me and now, you're saying goodbye? " I don't want her to feel that way. :(

" Nahhh, you're just overthinking Autumn. I'll be right here beside you, don't worry. "

6 o'clock pm

Autumn and I just sat down here in the balcony and stared at the beautiful night sky full of stars shining bright like a diamond. I stared at her for a while. brown eyes. white complexion of skin. fragile and soft-hearted. Ugh, what am I gonna do to this girl? I don't want to lose her. She's the only one I've got aside from Mom and Dad. She may annoy me sometimes but that doesn't change the fact that I love her so damn much and i'm ready to take the bullet for her. Yes, we fought at times but that would never ever break our strong friendship. Nothing can drag us down. I sighed heavily into the thin air. what have i done? My life is a one big pile of mess, ready to be picked up by the garbage truck. 

Soon, i hope she will be able to understand what i'm doing. I have my reasons, but today is not the right time to tell her. Silently, I closed my eyes and whispered to the thin cold air ;

" I wish for a happy life and not having scars with a knife "

" C'mon Cass let's go for a walk in the park. " Okay, maybe the park in the middle of the night would be the right place to tell her. 

" Alrighty then. "

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{ liberosis : the desire to care less about things }

This chapter is dedicated to my bestfriend yuuukieee and to my squad (12secsforyou, jaiijaiijaiijai, cliffordcandids + L ) you guys are the best! :* And this wouldn't be published if it wasn't for her and for the squad. <3 Thankies. :)