The Story of Us (An O2L / Kian Lawley Fanfiction)

Chapter 24 - Guilt

It took a while for my mind to fully register Andy's lips being on mine, and even then I didn't know what to do.

I don't want to be harsh, knowing all too well how sensitive he is. But I really can't stand his lips on mine, pressing for more if a reaction from me.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me to him, my hips colliding with his. That's when I snap.

Not-so-gently, I shove him off of me, wiping my mouth off, trying to get any trace of him off of my.

"What the hell?" I yell, my anger rising farther than it has in a while.

"I-I just..." Andy trails off, not able to come up with an excuse for what he did.

"What are y'all arguing about?" I hear a sweet southern accent say. I turn around to see my sleepy-eyed best friend at the doorway to the kitchen, her red hair messy from her slumber.

"It's nothing! Just a typical best friend argument!" Andy answers quickly, glancing back at me with a look that tells me to keep the previous events to myself.

"Well next time, when its eight o'clock in the freakin' morning, could you please make you're arguments a little quieter?" She gives us both glares, earning a mumbled "Sorry"s from both of us.

Then Filly smiles, prancing to the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water. Walking back out of the kitchen, she turns and looks us over again before shaking her head and bounding up the stairs.

Immediately after she's gone, I storm out of the kitchen, also running up the stairs to my room. I lock the door after I slam it, flopping down on my bed and biting back a frustrated scream.

Why the hell would he think it was okay to kiss me? Because its most certainly not! He knows perfectly well that I'm happily in a relationship!

I have a hard time fighting my anger, wanting more than anything to go find him and hit him and slap him and just...

I stop thinking the violent ideas in my head, ashamed that I would even consider doing something like that to my best friend. Gripping the sheets on my bed, I try to clear my head of any kind of horrible thoughts.

After at least thirty minutes of just laying on my bed and trying to calm down, I get up and take a long shower.

How could I have become such a horrible friend? Am I blind to how terrible I actually am? No, stop that.

I let the hot water pour over my back as I wash my hair, wanting just to stay in the shower all day. With that thought in mind, I actually decide to sit down, letting the water pounds onto me. I let my mind wander to other things, none of which have anything to do with Andy, Filly, Emily, or Kian.

When the water begins to turn cold, I turn off the shower and get out, drying my body off. I quickly put on a pair of shorts and a plain red t-shirt.

I'm such a jerk. How can I allow my best friend to fall in love with me and then kiss me? I can't even begin to think of how I could tell Kian.

I pinch myself so that I stop thinking lowly of myself, not wanting to think about anything.

Then I just sit in the bathroom, deciding to hide from my problems rather than face them. I rearrange basically everything in my bathroom from where I keep my hair products to where I have my hamper. Then I look at it all before deciding to move it all back to the way it was before.

I move on to cleaning the bathroom. Cleaning the toilet, bathtub, and counters first, then I vacuum the carpeted floor about ten times.

After this, I finally leave the bathroom, but stay in my bedroom with the door locked. I notice that its about ten-fifteen and decide to clean my bedroom.

I take a good look at my room, noticing all the things strewn about. I hadn't really noticed how messy it had actually gotten.

Clothes are all over the place, most of them probably not even have been worn. My laptop and a fleece blanket lay in a mushroom chair by the window, and a stray red sandal sits lonely next to my bed. A few letters sit on my desk, some college applications and some letters from my friend I met when I went to Canada a few years back. I've already read them and replied to the ones from my Canadian friend, yet I haven't finished going through and filling out all of my college applications.

I begin to clean up, my mind at peace when it's all ruined by a knock at the door.

"Go away!" I growl, not wanting company from Andy.

"Maddie, it's me!" I hear Kian say, laughing lightly.

I roll my eyes, slowly walking to the door and opening it for him.

"How are you?" He says, pulling me in for a hug, making me uncomfortable.

How do I tell him? Do I even tell him at all? What will he think?

In such a terrible girlfriend! I kissed another guy! How could I?

He releases me, walking over and plopping down on my unmade bed.

"Good," I reply shortly, continuing the task I was previously performing. I know very well that I'm not "good", instantly feeling terrible for lying to him.

I bend over to pick up a t-shirt that I almost wore last week yet took off and threw when I decided it was unflattering. When I stand back up, Kian is directly in front of me. I jump back, startled, earning a laugh from Kian.

Suddenly, he leans in and tries to kiss me. I quickly turn my head, his soft lips making contact with my cheek. Guilt still controls me, and i cant let him kiss me after what I did. When he pulls away, a look of hurt clouds his face.

"Alright, what's wrong?" He asks as if he knows for positive I'm not just denying him because I want to. A smirk pulls at the corner of his lips, confusing me.

Why would he be smirking if he knew I was upset? What is he playing at?

I consider lying, consider telling him everything is absolutely fine even though I feel like a terrible person because my best friend loves me and he kissed me.

Kian grabs my chin, making me look him in the eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong." His eyes are pleasing an caring, Kian genuinely wanting to know why I'm upset.

I stay silent, my mind racing at what will happen when I tell him.

He's going to leave me. He's going to hate me. Kian will never want to see me again.

He strokes my face gently, wiping a damp strand of my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my hair.

"Tell me," Kian whispers, putting his forehead against mine.

Not being able to live with myself for being so close to him after betraying him, I step out of his grasp and walk away.

"Maddie, just tell me!" He insists, his voice getting louder, sounding more upset, breaking me.

"I kissed Andy!" I blurt, instantly looking away as tears full my eyes.

I walk to my bed, collapsing on it as I let my tears flow.

I'm such a horrible person. I'm such a horrible person.

I keep repeating this in my head, knowing its the truth.

"Maddie, you're not a horrible person." Kian surprises me with his words. How the hell did he know I was thinking that? I look at him with questioning in my eyes. "You said that out loud Madison." He laughs lightly.

He comes up to me, laying down next to me on the bed, smiling a little. It's obvious he's hurt, I can see it in his eyes.

I did this. I'm the reason he's hurt.

"What happened?" He asks, wrapping his arms around my waist in a warming gesture.

And with that, I tell him everything.

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Three chapters in three days! I'm proud if myself!

And I love you guys! Your comments make my day!

Sorry about any mistakes!

xox -Delilah