The Story of Us (An O2L / Kian Lawley Fanfiction)

Chapter 35 - Realization

***Kian's POV***

I made a huge mistake when I told Maddie goodbye. When I told her we needed to break up. The look in her eyes made me want to take back what I said and forget about everything that happened and just hold her in my arms.

But I couldn't do that.

Something inside of me told me I shouldn't take her back, that somehow she's better off not with me.

Damn was I wrong.

I shouldn't have even let those final words pass my lips. I should have told her that we could work out everything, no matter how long it took. I still wish I could tell her that.

But what I said she took, and left. If I even tried to get her back, she wouldn't take me. She shouldn't either. She should hate me right now. She should want nothing to do with me.

Is it crazy that after she kissed Ryder and cheated on me, that I feel like this whole situation is my fault? In my mind, it is my fault.

She told me she was kissing him as of to discover her feelings for me. That she knew then that she loved me.

Here's how I find this my fault.

If I would have expressed my feelings for her more, shown her that I love her more than I ever have loved a girl before, then maybe she would have realized that she loved me too. If I had only told her how I felt rather than hiding it and being a dumbass coward, then maybe she would have never kissed Ryder. She wouldn't have needed his kiss to realize that she was in love with me.

The part I regret more than not telling her how I felt and even more than I regret not taking her back is how after she told me everything and confessed her feelings, I couldn't even get the words "I love you too" to come out of my mouth. If only I had just told her.

But I can't Reverse the clock and change anything now.

She may have been the one who cheated on me, but it was still my fault.

Two days ago was when I told her goodbye, and I'm afraid that will be the last time I get to talk to her. She'll never forgive me.

Today I try to push everything out of my head and function normally, but I find that my life has changed so drastically since Maddie came into my life.

This past summer since meeting her, I would nearly always be with her. If I wasn't with her, I would be constantly texting her.

Now, I can't text her, call her, or hang out with her.

With nothing to occupy me, I decide to start filming my new video for O2L. If I don't film it now I will probably never get around to it.

I set up lights and then my camera, putting a solid blue tank top on, then I start to film.

I sit there for about ten minutes trying to find the right words for the video, attempting at sounding happy and funny, but my voice comes off as angry and upset.

I turn off the video, then start a new one, trying to sound happier this time.

"Hey guys, what's up? It's Kian!" I say, doing my normal intro, but my voice sounds flat and boring. I groan out loud before trying again.

"Hey guys-" before I can get any farther, there is a knock at the front door. I let out an exasperated sigh before shutting the camera off and slowly walking to the door.

The person behind the door surprises me at first, but then it just annoys me.

"What do you want Emily?" I say rudely, not having the energy to be nice to her right now.