Empire // h.s. au

Nonviable Option

Samantha Anderson

Stars. They gleamed brilliantly as I walked around New York. It was 4 am and it was far too late for me to even attempt to go to bed. Harry arriving at my apartment. The confession he so easily said. Everything seemed to be blurring my ability to sleep.

So, I concentrated on the few stars you could see amid the polluted air. I wished to be in the stars. To not stay here and struggle with myself, internally, and everything else around me. I wanted Harry, I needed Harry. But what you need and want, isn't necessarily what you get. 

When Harry had said the words, "I need you", my heart so dearly wanted to stay with him. To hold him as he fell asleep. But that wasn't my choice. It wasn't even an option. I couldn't. Not after everything I had put Luke through. Neither of us were stable enough for something like Harry.

New York was so strange at this time. It was still busy and bright, but their was a sense of calm. Everyone out and about didn't really want to be, except for the occasional drunken idiot. They were having a grand old time.

When my apartment building loomed into a view I felt a dreading in my stomach. I don't know what it was. Having to go home to Luke or my sister?

Ever since I'd arrived back from Paris she'd been living with us. Of course without even asking how I felt about it. Everything about her bothered me. She had no job which meant her half of rent was not paid. She was unable to figure out that boundaries were present between herself and my relationships. She seemed to think her input was more important than anything.

Aria had been the only person I could really talk to. She knew everything, from the contract to my undying lust for Harry.

The contract was still lingering in my mind. Did it still uphold?

Signing the contract felt like a million years ago. Then again, my life had changed drastically just over these last few months. I'd gone from being madly in love with Luke, to falling for Harry, to then being engaged to a man I wasn't even sure I loved. 

Life had a funny way of messing with you. 

Luke was important to me, he always would be. But Harry was special. My feelings for him in just a few mere months of knowing him, had increased greatly. The feelings I had for Harry were far more intense than anything I'd ever felt for Luke. 

It was like a sexual attraction that would never end. 

He was something I'd never have, which meant I wanted him even more. Harry was slowly and easily making me forget anything I'd ever felt with Luke. Luke seemed like apart of my past that was stuck in my present. Never leaving me alone. 

~

Work was a struggle the following day. There was an awkward air as soon as I entered into building. It felt like everything was stale. Nothing fresh or bright. I wanted life back to normal. 

But I couldn't even begin to figure out what "normal" was. 

Luke or Harry?

"Samantha, a moment please," Louis said, falling into step.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"How are the sketches looking? I know you haven't really had much opportunity, but some of the investors are getting a little worried. They don't like change," he sighed, shaking his head. For the first time since I'd begun working with him, Louis wasn't in a suit. He was in some type of jean, flannel combination, that he somehow made look very fashion forward. 

"Well, the ideas are all there, I just need to really put it together, it's going to be very classy, I can promise you that," I said to Louis, smiling. 

"Love to hear it, now excuse me, I need to be getting to my incredibly aggravating fiancee," he chuckled, shaking his head. "It involves a Michael Kors bag and a Versace dress, so I'm assuming you can imagine." 

I laughed, "I honestly can."

"Make sure you get out early today, I won't be in the office at all. I think Harry might be coming in to look at some files from last quarter, so if you could help him with that, that would be wonderful. Other than that, though, please get some rest and work on the sketches. See you tomorrow!" With that, Louis left. 

He was so high energy and positive that it was impossible to not be smiling around him. 

As soon as he was gone, I entered into my office and pulled out my sketch books. My goal for the collection was to provide something elegant, but comfortable at the same time. Sure, it sounded basic, but the ideas in my head were so fashion forward and convenient, it was impossible to compare them to much else. 

It was like Ralph Lauren meeting Alexander McQueen, an incredible and shocking mixture. 

As I drew, different colors and shapes came to me, all based around one thing. A winter look that could be used in spring and summer as well. It was interesting and layered and distracted me for the first time ever. 

I glanced from look to look, deciding what was my favorite. The pantsuit? Or the dramatic skirt and blouse mix? I was so proud of what I had formulated I could barely contain my excitement. 

2 hours had passed since I'd entered my office and an entire collection was beginning to form. My smile increased as I put the finishing touches on a beautiful dress.

My smile faltered, though, as Harry knocked on the door of my office. He looked tired, but surprisingly well put together. He was wearing a suit pants, but not jacket. His hair was pushed back, but slightly wild compared to normal.

I hadn't realized how long his hair was getting until this moment. It only increased his hotness.

"Come in," I managed to choke out. He stepped inside, the air becoming uncomfortable and tight. He had a way of doing that, regardless of who he was with or what he was doing. He could change the mood without even trying.

"Hello, Samantha. I'm here for the files," he said, his hands behind his back. I stood from my desk, quite abruptly, causing it to shake slightly. I looked down, embarrassed, and whipped out the files from a folder that sat in my desk. 

"Here they are," I said, handing them to him. As I did so, our hand brushed, causing a tingle to burst through my body. It shocked me deeply, goosebumps forming on my arms and legs. He left me nearly breathless with just a touch.

"Thank you, I'll return them some time later this week."

"What are they for?" I said stupidly, not thinking clearly. 

"Do you really care?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Should I?" I wondered, looking at him in the eye for the first time. He pursed his lips.

"It's financial stuff. The company is seeing a decline in sales, so I have to look at some demographics," Harry answered, swallowing. "Investors need to stay up to date."

"That they do," I agreed. "About last night..."

Harry tensed, "I'd rather not discuss that. It was impulsive and a drunken mistake. Forget about it."

"But..."

"Don't," Harry snapped, his eyes turning dark. He didn't talk about things unless he wanted to. I flinched back as his voice raised in sound. He was angry and confused by last night, just as I was.

"I'm sorry, I just think it's necessary for us to discuss if we have to be working alongside each other," I told him, rolling my eyes. I'd become fearless since meeting Harry, he wasn't really scary anymore. I was beginning to understand his anger and him. I knew why he was the way he was, he wasn't just an asshole because he could be.

"Well, I don't. This," he said, pointing between us. "Is and was a mistake. It won't happen again. It's unprofessional and honestly just cruel to you. Nothing was to come of it anyways."

His hurtful words were the last I heard from him before his departure.

I closed my eyes in exhaustion, sad and hurt. Only reaffirming that Harry was no longer an option for me.