The heartbeat.

Chapter 23, crying my eyes out.

Omg guys, I am in trouble.. A guy likes me. But I dont like him!! Like realy dont like him.. so reasons to write another chapp right.. Well here it is!! :) Much fun !! Much Love♥♥♥♥

Chapter 23, crying my eyes out. 

I woke up, and realised all the trouble that have passed me by, the last three days I have been in bed crying, I just can't deal with knowing that Caroline and Tyler will never come back. There were gone, because of me.. I felt so guilty, Damon is all the day telling me that its not my fault and that kind of stuff. I doesnt help me.. I hate it so much, I want to have them back!! They didnt deserve this.. I did.. I started crying again, for the hundert time this week... Stefan walked in and sat next to me ''You know Clare, that its not youre fault?'' and he looked at me with his green eyes.. ''yeah,, Damon told me that to, but I dont know.., It is because of me that there are.. '' I didnt want to say the awfull word,, That made me cry even harder. He laid an arm on my shoulder, just when Damon came in ''What,, WHAT ? Go freaking away! and dont touch her! '' and he was getting mad. Again. ''Jalouse jerk'' I said and stepped out of my bed.. ''Stefan, go away'' Damon said grumpy. He stood up, walked to the door, and looked at me... I felt so ashamed.. ''I am sorry'' and then he winked at me and walked away. I staired at Damon. he was stunning, but I was mad ''You.. ass why did it have to be that harsh,, you are realy a jalouse bitch'' and he laughed. Just laughed.. He walked to me and kissed me.. ''You are so cute, when you try to be mad''  I didnt gave up.. ''Damon, I am serious.. We are just friends.. Stefan is just a friend. He want to cheer me up !'' and I looked mad to him,., again he just laughed,, ''I can cheer you up'' he was not taking me serious, and he kissed me again.., For the first time I pushed him away.. ''Damon,, I am serious!! '' ''I am also serious babe! I dont want to lose you, just like by Kathrine'' and he looked down.. He was just scared to lose me, that I will go to his brother. ''Damon look at me'' and he looked me streight in the eyes ''I love you! only you! '' and he smiled a bit. ''I am sorry, I am really a jalouse bitch right?'' and I grinned. ''Yes you are, but you are mine !'' and I kissed him.

I walked down stairs, there was a book laying on the table, I picked it up, and opened it. It was not really my meaning, but I just needed to see it.. There was writen in it.. It was just like a dairy.. From Damon or Stefan ofcourse.. and I read a page

~Again the stupid Damon, I was there with Clare in tears. I wanted to have her in my arms, just want to say that everything will all be okay, I hope she will be happy some day. I want her to laugh at me like she does at Damon.. That twinkle in her eyes, the huge laugh, and the love in the air.. But I know it is only in my dreams.. Ofcourse she will always love Damon, And he deserve her so much! I scrued up with Kathrine,,, I dont want to be in love with Clare.. I just want that I only want to be friends with her. But when I am with her,, there is a feeling, that I dont have with friends.. 

I knew it was Stefan who was writing this. I heard some one behind me, I turned and saw Stefan standing there.. I dropped the diary on the floor.. ''Did you read it'' he asked olmost mad ''Just a tiny little bit'' and I looked down, I was ashamed.. "What did you read then?'' and he looked straight in my eyes.. ''Well, that you are in love with me, but you dont want it'' and I didnt dare to look at him.. ''I am sorry Clare, but I cant say that that isnt true'' and I heard the scaredness in his voice ''Please Clare look at me'' I looked up to him, I found his eyes. ''Clare, I love you, but you belong with Damon'' and he came closer and kissed my cheek ''Just forget it,, okay'' I was olmost crying ''But Stefan I cant..'' and the tears were rolling over my cheeks, ''Try, It will never work.. because Damon is yours'' ''he will always be, but I dont want to lose you!'' I hugged him and picked his hand ''I love you Stefan, But I love Damon more. I am in love with him" I turned my back and walked to the kitchen.. Left Stefan in the living room.

Damon was in some weird reason in the kitchen.. ''I knew it, that bloodsucker dick is in love with you'' he said madd. ''Damon, please I am in love with you!!'' and I picked his hand. he laughed a bit but he wasnt happy at all.. ''Damon believe me please!'' and I looked in his eyes ''I do Clare, but I am so scared that you will be in love with him, like with Kathrine you know..'' And he looked down.. "Damon I am so not Kathrine'' and I made him that clear.. ''It is all just fine Damon, please.. so you want some coffee'' ''No thanks Clare,, I just need some fresh air.. I will be right back'' I sensed a kiss on my cheek and then he was gone, I was left here with Stefan.. Thanks Damon.. Stefan walked in, and pretent like it never even happened.. ''Stefan I'' and I looked at him.. ''No Clare, its fine'' I grabbed his arm and lead him to the living room. ''Sit please and need to tell you something'' and he sat down. ''You know, first when I met Damon, was on that camp you know, I met you and thought you were a dick. But know that I know you better and hang out with you, even without Damon, I see a great side of you ! You are a really good friend of me, and I dont wanna lose you Stefan. I cant handle that ! After the secrifise.. Stefan listen I dont wanna lose you, you are so important to me ! I love you, But not the way as I love Damon, I guess...'' And I looked at him and laid my hand on his cheek. ''Thankyou Clare, for telling me, but I still have the feelings for you, its not going away. So if you change your mind, you know where I am. And I still wanna hang out with you !! I dont wanna lose you, because you know the truth'' he said en kissed my forhead. I smiled at him thankfull. ''So you wanna some coffee?'' I ask to change the subject. ''Yes i love to'' and he laughed. ''Yeah yeah funny, you know in that way you look like Damon'' and I winked and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. 

I cant stop thinking about what Stefan wrote, ''But when I am with her,, there is a feeling, that I dont have with friends..''  it sounds so sweet that he said that. I cant imagine that he is in love with me, he knows that Damon and I are together. But something in me say that we maybe be together one day. I dont wanna feel that. I want to be with Damon forever. I wanna give up my life for him. I feel things for Damon that I dont feel with Stefan. Happely, otherwise it was much harder ! I dont want to go away with Damon. I want him to be here know. That I can say that I love him, I want to hug his muscular body, his smooth lips on mine, his hair with that nice smell, his beautifull dark brown/black eyes. He is perfect. I texted him ''I miss you, where are u. I am confused. Babe i want you to be here with me. I need you. I cry, I miss my friends, and most of all I miss you. After what Stefan told me it is getting worse. Please come back. Much Love ♥ Clare.''' I hoped that he will be here just in a second, but that will not happen. ''I be up'' I said to Stefan and I walked to my room, well Damons room. Opened the door and saw someone standing in the room. I didnt believe my eyes. Caroline, and Tyler? ''What, no it is not possible'' and Caroline walked to me and reached to my hand. She held it and I felt it. But she is dead/ ''How can I feel you?'' I asked. I felt stupid. ''Because you believe in it, Clare you can take us back ! Together with Bonnie, and youre neckless'' I didnt understand, then I felt a hand on my shoulder and Caroline and Tyler where gone. I turned and I hoped that Damon was there, but it was Stefan ''Who where you talking with?'' He asked. I didnt want to tell him about Tyler and Caroline, not now. ''nothing, I just need some space if you dont mind..'' And he nodded and walked away. Then I sensed someone behind me, it was Damon I knew it. I smelled his smell his nice smell. I turned and hugged him and the tears stream down my face. ''Shh, I am here Clare, I am here'' he wishpered in my hair.

Long time no speak, I am so sorry,.. happely a new chappiee !! See you next time ! (: Much Love ♥