Flowershop

Chapter Nineteen

Closing his eyes, he tried to take a bit of a nap. That was supposed to be good for him anyways. Lately instead of wanting to sleep, he wanted to just be awake, to work, to do something. But lately, there was nothing to do. He had work, yes, but he wanted to do more. He wanted to work more, yet no one wanted or needed him, and yet he still wanted to do things for himself more. He wanted a hobby. He wanted to do something other than water plants, kiss his boyfriend, and sleep. But what was there to do? Kiku always excelled at art, but he never really thought of it as anything special. So instead of thinking of all this stressful stuff, he did what any normal person in this type of situation would do. He played the next episode of whatever show he was watching, not feeling up to being stressed out at the moment. Typical.

Since he didn't exactly know what to do, he got up and paced his apartment, talking out loud to himself occasionally, hating the feeling of impending doom. The doom that was inevitable; the inevitable thing that was his family. A week had already passed since his dream of Yao, and it just hit him; his family was coming over in a week. He wasn't ready. Nothing would be good enough.

It wasn't just Yao who was coming over either. It was Leon too, this was the reason they were coming. Leon was already graduating... how time flies. What would he buy him? And Ivan. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for multiple reasons; he didn't exactly know how to act towards him. His actions towards him in the past made it difficult for any progress for their relationship. Well, actually any progress on Kiku's behalf. Ivan was perfectly fine with Kiku and didn't force him into anything; he loved him like a son. Which brings Kiku to another problem; guilt. He knew he had no right to feel any resentment towards Ivan when he had done literally nothing wrong, and he knew that Ivan was okay with that and wanted to give him time to accept him as his... father. Stepfather. And Ivan's kindness made Kiku beside himself with rage. How dare he be so forgiving, endearing, loyal? So accepting of others feelings? What right did he have to be so... so utterly trustworthy?

Ivan was a scary man. He was very tall, big, and often had a scary looking smile on his face. Kiku could never tell if it was genuine or for show, and it bothered him. He had big hands, but they were suprisingly gentle and somehow graceful in a way. Kiku had seen their relationship progress through his years with Yao, yet he didn't quite trust him. He trusted no one. Kiku knows Yao has been through some tough stuff, things he hasn't even told him about, and just couldn't trust anyone who got close to him after that. Romantic relationship or not. But he could put his complete trust in Ivan, he was his stepfather, his father, and he knew it. Kiku knew he should have complete trust in him. And he hated Ivan for that.

Kiku really had nothing to do today. Alfred was at work, but he would be off earlier than usual, so he'd come and visit Kiku at his house. Not that he didn't do so regularly. But Kiku was worried. It just hit him; his family was going to see him. At his apartment. They'd see what what a mess his life and place were, and what a fool his significant other was. What would he cook for them?

Kiku spent his time rearranging everything in his apartment. Stupid little things that didn't need to be moved. He would move a flower vase on the center of the table, then go over there and put on the other side of the room. He walked up to his vase of peonies, and stopped in front of it. He grabbed them, looking at them for a second. He then moved them to the windowsill. He looked at it for a second, not really liking it's new place either. He put his hand up to his forehead dramatically. He needed to calm down, a lot. But oh god, what would he buy for Leon?!

It's his graduation after all.... what did he like? A new video game for his PSP? No, those were way to expensive... Leon, like Kiku, always really liked sweets... Maybe some new shoes? He always really did like shoes... on a weird level. Well, what kind of older brother would Kiku be if he couldn't even spare some money for shoes? He was sure they'd be ridiculously expensive, but he could manage it.