:: The Awesometastical, Retarded Adventures of Avenged Sevenfold ::

Yes, because I decided to make a series of short stories starring the lovable band themselves.

Let me start off by saying: No animals or bisexual giraffes were harmed in the making of this short story series of adventures. It is very unlikely Synyster would want to screw Matt's mom. Oh, and Johnny Christ's height is totally exaggerated in this story, otherwise, he is still short.

I do not own the band, they belong to their mums, although I wish I did.

Do not read this story if you are allergic to giraffes or have epilepsy. This series may cause you explosive diarrhea or possible seizures.

Matt does not have a luscious garden in his front yard that grows giraffes, unless you are an eye witness and he does, otherwise don't pay attention to the obvious impossible flaws in this story.

Enjoy.

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:: FIRST STORY - THE RISE OF PICKLE MAN ::

It was a nice, sunny day and M. Shadows, otherwise known as Matthew Sanders, the lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold, was outside working on his garden. Humming the tune to Ghostbusters, he planted in several new plants and trees. His garden was beautiful, lack of better word; it had long, tall orchard trees and several green bushes that grew ripe, red tomatoes, giraffes, and such.

Plus, his grass was very green. But no one cares about grass, right? It's just grass.

Okay, anyway... it was not until a few minutes later after planting the final seed in the rich soil that his wife, Valary had called him inside for breakfast.

"MATTHEW!" she said in her typical loud voice, "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND EAT SOME BREAKFAST!"

"Coming, Valary!" Matt sung in a rather high pitched voice.

He went inside and sat down at the round kitchen table and right before him was a plate of giraffe (I like giraffes, okay?), some nice scrambled eggs, a slice of ham, and some bacon. LUXUURYYYY! he thought, grabbing his fork.

Matt then looked down at his plate and noticed that all of his food was gone. Well, that was weird. What could've been the problem? He hadn't eaten his food yet!

Then he glanced over under the table and noticed a Johnny Christ hiding under it. He gasped and whined, "JOHNNY! WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!?!?!"

"AND HOW'D HE GET INTO YOUR HOUSE?!" Synyster cried. Wait a minute. Something wasn't right. Matt looked over to his right and suddenly saw Synyster standing right next to him abruptly. Synyster wasn't invited to his house, was he?! No, he thought. So how did these two get in here?

Matt complained, "What are you guys doing here? I'm having a nice breakfast! AT LEAST I WAS!"

"Your door was unlocked, so we decided we'd go in and surprise you!" Synyster explained cheerfully. Annoyed, Matt bitchslapped Syn. Synyster gasped holding his cheeks in obvious horror and cried, "What's wrong with you, Matthew?! Why'd you slap me? I thought we had something special..."