Day 07:
Favourite Quotes
Mike: Welcome to Swineville, Peter, a happy, sleepy, little hillbilly town where seemingly innocent, nice, naive people turn just like that
[snaps fingers]
Mike: to a vengeful, hateful mob!
Peter: How do you know that?
Mike: Because these are my people.
Mike: Now, listen man, you're going to be going to a lot of strange cities. And there's always one hotel. A lot of gambling and drinking, and a lotta fast women, and a lotta loose talk. Now you know what you do when you get to town?
Davy: Find that hotel.
Mike: You'll do fine.
[Mike exacts revenge on the DJ-61 interviewing computer:]
DJ-69: What is your name?
Mike: [rushing the machine] Nesmith! What's yours?
DJ-69: What?
Mike: Thank you, Mr. What. And what's your first name?
DJ-69: It's not 'What'.
Mike: Mr. Notwhat What. And what is your occupation?
DJ-69: Name is not 'Notwhat'! I am computer DJ-61!
Mike: Oh, you're a DJ! Look, I'll bet you've got a great record collection.
[computer starts to overload]
Mike: Now tell me about your mother and father.
DJ-69: My mother was a duplicating machine...
Mike: Sex?
[smoke and disturbing noises issue from DJ-61]
Mike: Oh, I'll bet you're a real swinger when you're turned on.
[low groan]
Mike: Dirty old man...
DJ-69: Wait! I am not programmed for these questions!
Mike: Oh, you want a different program? Well, let - Okay, um...
[starts stabbing buttons at random. DJ-61 crashes amid smoke, flying punched cards, and a shower of sparks
Mike: Look, man, it's okay. Besides, you've go something the machine don't have. You've got friends.
Micky: Hey, you've got some friends, Pete? Bring 'em over someday!
Mike: Now lets see, all we got to do is strap a message to it's leg and we- erm, there's already a message here, strapped to it's leg.
Peter: What's it say?
Mike: Please don't strap a message to my leg, I am not a carrier pigeon.
Micky: The lights, the lights, where'd they go?
Peter: Someone turned on the dark.
Mike: The wires have been cut.
Peter: They've been tied in a bow.
Micky: We'll at least we know that the murderer's very neat.
Captain: Hello, hello?
Micky: Do you speak our language?
Captain: Yes I do.
Micky: Thank goodness. Do you know how to send an S.O.S.?
Captain: Yes I do.
Micky: Oh great! What's your location?
Captain: Yes I do.
Nick Trump: Hey, what are you doing, fixing a drink?
Peter: No, I'm just washing my socks.
Davy: Peter, as my devoted houseboy, what will be your main function?
Peter: I am born to serve my master and live only to perform his bidding!
Davy: Right. Now get me my comb.
Peter: Get it yourself!
Peter: Why am I the dummy? The dummy should be the dummy.
Davy: They're his cards, don't antagonize him.
Micky: What do you have to say about that, Mr. Schneider?
[pulls the dummy's string]
Mr. Schneider: It's a shame to waste youth on children.
Peter: We could only afford one serving, yours is rubber.
Davy: But I'll starve! Is the fruit rubber?
Peter: No.
[Davy bites an apple]
Peter: It's plastic.
Micky: Allright, Nesmith, tell me about your special cigarette lighter.
Mike: Well, this cigarette lighter is very special. It is ah - got a miniature Japanese camera in it...
Micky: Right.
Mike: ...and also a miniature Japanese cameraman.
Yamashita the miniature Japanese cameraman: [as mike flicks on the lighter] Yow!
Mike: Oh, scorched you again there, didn't I, Yamashita?
