Minseok was afraid. For the first time in his life he felt like what he was, a helpless child. He hid his small body behind a dumpster in the alley. His cheeks were burning from the wet hot tears rolling down his face.
The deafening sound of a gunshot rang through his ears playing over and over in his head. His parents ear piercing scream was all he could remember. A strange man in his mid 30s had followed Minseok and his parents into a dark abandoned alley.
He slipped a gun out of his pocket and aimed it at his dad "give me your money and no one gets hurt" his voice was hoarse but shaky. Before Minseok parents had a chance to respond he pulled the trigger. The large thump off his mother and father's body's falling on the floor knocked Minseok off his feet.
The thick sticky liquid stained his pants a dark crimson. The police found Minseok crying in the alley next to his parents body.
The police sent Minseok went to go live with his uncles. Junmyeon and Jongdae lived in a large house with hardwood flooring and marble countertops. Minseok bedroom was painted a dark blue with cream satin sheets.
He tried to forget everything about that night, the blood curdling scream, the gunshot, the blood was all he could think about. After a few days of being locked in his room, and only coming out for food Junmyeon finally convinced Minseok to go to school.
At school a handsome man who introduced himself as Minseok's teacher, Mr.Byun. Meanwhile Minseok clung to Jongdae's leg like his life depended on it. On Minseok's first day of school he met Mr.Byun's husband Chanyeol, and a boy who sat across from him named Lu Han.
On the second day of school Lu Han started calling Minseok baozi , because of how his cheeks pudged out. The two boys became good friends quickly even though Lu Han stumbled over most of his korean.
They played games that didn't require many words and conversed with hand gestures. Lu Han didn't know about Minseok's parents, he never questioned why Minseok didn't look anything like Jongdae or Junmyeon, he just assumed Minseok was adopted.
One day during middle school Minseok's heart began to speed up, he felt like he was trapped and the walls were closing in. His lungs stopped filling with air he felt like he was going crazy. He suddenly collapsed on the floor, probably due to the loss of air.
Lu Han watched the whole thing with a grimaced look on his face. He couldn't tell what was wrong with Minseok all he wanted to do was help, but instead he just stood there feeling helpless and weak.
Jongdae drove Minseok to a doctor who told him that it was perfectly normal to have panic attacks after having something traumatizing happen. He prescribed some medicine for Minseok.
What Minseok was really scared of though was facing the truth, he had avoided telling Lu Han about his parents for almost 2 years. He didn't want Lu Han to pity him and treat him like everyone did when they found out.
But when he went to school Lu Han didn't question him, he acted like nothing had happened. "Aren't you gonna ask me about yesterday" Minseok asked while looking at the floor.
"What's their to ask about" Lu Han responded.
"Why i almost died and passed out" Minseok said with a slightly sarcastic tone.
"If you aren't ready to tell me why you had a panic attack in the middle of class i'm not going to ask" Lu Han said as he walked away.
So he figured it out Minseok thought to himself. Minseok decided that he wasn't ready to tell Lu Han he liked things how they were now, he didn't want it to change.
Minseok didn't say another word about it and Lu Han didn't ask. Minseok's next panic attack happened during breakfast on a weekend. The walls starting spinning and closing in. His lungs stopped filling with air, this time he didn't collapse.
He spent the rest of the day sitting in bed crying, he didn't know why but he couldn't help it.
The next few days by, he didn't notice anything except for the way that Lu Han stopped dropping by his locker before class and between classes.
Minseok stopped doing his homework he stopped caring about his grades. He stopped caring about everything in the world.
Junmyeon and Jongdae seemed to notice his grades dropped. "Minseok are you okay, you seem to be kind of closed off recently" Junmyeon asked Minseok.
"I'm fine"Minseok muttered under his breath.
As much as he loved his uncles he didn't feel like telling them everything. More like he didn't know what was going on, he was just extremely sad and he didn't know why.
His entire life was falling apart and he couldn't fix it.
Minseok wanted to tell Lu Han everything, how his parents died. How that was the reason that he had panic attacks. He wanted to so badly. But he couldn't. He didn't want Lu Han looking at him differently.
Time passed nothing changed, except for Lu Han and Minseok weren't as close. Minseok missed him, from the way that Lu Han would always walk him home to the way that his hair auburn hair fell directly over his eyes.
Minseok's grades continued to get worse. He was trying as hard as he could, but there was nothing he could do.
He was too deep in, he couldn't dig himself out.
Lu Han missed Minseok too. But he got the feeling that Minseok didn't like him anymore. He knew that Minseok was hiding something, but he didn't want to push.
Minseok stopped doing things. He stopped playing soccer, he stopped singing and dancing. He locked himself in his room doing god knows what.
Jongdae and Junmyeon were scared for Minseok's life. They wanted to help him but all they could do was watch. Watch Minseok fall deeper and deeper.
Minseok barely remembered what happened to his parents all he remembered was screaming and blood. But it was enough. It was enough for him to cry.
He separated himself from everyone. No one knew how he felt. No one he knew watched their parents die in front of them.
When Junmyeon went to change the sheets in Minseok's room he saw it. That's when he knew he had to help one way or another things couldn't stay the same.
"I know what we have to do" Jongdae said to Junmyeon.
They asked Lu Han to come and help Minseok through whatever was happening. But Lu Han refused. "He doesn't want to see me, you'd have better luck doing it yourselves,i'm sorry i can't help" Lu Han said over the phone.
Eventually Jongdae and Junmyeon had to pull Minseok out of school." He already has so many absences it wouldn't make that much of a difference" Jongdae claimed.
They decided to homeschool Minseok instead.
Though he barely learned anything it was better for Minseok, somehow not seeing Lu Hans face everyday but not being able to say anything made it worse.
Minseok still felt like he was alone nothing changed.
Minseok was depressed and it only got worse.
