Pale Blue Eyes: Luke Hemmings AU

Prologue - Red

"I'll put myself to sleep."
-San Fermin, Casanova

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[Luke]

When I was first sent here, I thought nothing would help, contrary to my family's beliefs. Although I felt like a selfish bastard for trying to end everything various times, I kept attempting. I really didn't want to live, no matter how much my parents and brothers mourned after I was gone. No one, not even I, knows where the depression and anorexia came from. I was happy. Was.

The day my mother suggested the clinic I thought she was delusional. Honestly, how would counseling with people I didn't know help rather than being around people I loved. I'd never get better. I'd never come out from the rut I had dug myself into. I'd never feel glee that I remember experiencing as a child.

Veda.

God. The first time I saw her was at that cafeteria. She was sitting with OE, he soon became one of the people I cared about dearly. Of course, because I was new, all the elders gathered around me, and I was unable to approach her. Not like I would've anyway. She was eye catching, even without make up, even with the bags from obvious endless nights.

Veda.

The first time she made eye contact with me was when she was closing the door that would be open for me in the future. She was even more beautiful up close, blemishes, love handles, and all. She didn't say anything, though. That was fine with me, as long as she was aware of my existence.

Veda.

The reason for my laughter, the one I thought I wasn't ever going to let out again. The reason for my big ass smiles. The reason for my endless supply of multi-colored pillows due to her craft class. The reason my world continued to be bright for a short, wonderful amount of time.

Veda.

My first and last love.

Veda.

The only person I'm sorry to for not being strong enough.

Veda.

Her getting better is both a blessing and a curse. Seeing her carefree is amazing. I am happy for her. Seeing her carefree hurts me. I think I don't deserve her because she is happy. Im not good enough.

OE.

My crazy, old friend. Once spitting puns out in every other sentence is now just a crazy, old friend. I know he's getting worse and worse. There's no going back for him.

It's time to go.

One.

I used to want to be a merman. I would practice holding my breath underwater for as long as I could. Everyday. I would try to increase the time I could by one second every week. I got to the point where I could go without breathing for about two minutes. I haven't done it in a while.

Two.

The first time I tried to kill myself was with a pillow. Suffocation. I didn't want to go in a way that I would suffer much. I wanted to die in a happier way. I wanted to die as a merman.

Three.

The last time I attempted suicide I was admitted here. This God awful place. The facility itself didn't help, but she did.

Four.

Her smile is everything.

Five.

Her love and care for everyone is everything.

Six.

Her telling me stories while I fell asleep on her lap is everything.

Seven.

Her singing my favorite song off key to me is everything.

Eight.

I wish she was here to sing me a song because I can't put myself to sleep.

Nine.

I imagine her now. Her and OE dancing that dance she always went to because she didn't know any other.

Ten.

Thank you. I'm sorry. I love you. I'll prepare a place for you.

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Hope the prologue was okay.

Song "Casanova" is by San Fermin.