The Only One

Stupid Decisions

-9-

That night, I had trouble falling asleep. So much had happened that afternoon and it wasn't easy for me to take it all in. You knew me, you would remember me, I had finally ceased being a nameless face and I had become "Lu". That afternoon I had torn down a barrier, the first that we had to go through, or that I had to go through in order to get to you. I had spent time with you, I had helped you and you were grateful, if only for a few minutes.

Some other girl would have probably felt alright with that advancement, some other girl wouldn't have considered that afternoon an advancement but rather a favor to a classmate, but growing up I never really acted the way girls are told they should. Maybe that's why I had a crush on you instead on focusing on meeting guys my age and actually trying to get a boyfriend.

I had experienced what it meant to be in the same space with you, being indispensable, and I had loved it. When you'd helped me with the roller skates, I'd depended on you, and that afternoon it was you who needed me. I was helping you out, repaying your favor.

I guess it was then when I decided that I would, as much as I could, be that person for you, always there, doing what I'm told, always helping you. Modesty aside, I think I've done a great job.

That night, while trying my best to close my eyes and get some rest, I remembered Sports Day and knew, just like hours before, you could use my help.

Thinking back to that time, I don't know how I was so sure that you were part of the planning committee; I mean, you weren't even an official teacher back then, maybe you wouldn't be at school at all. But I held on to the hope that you were going to be at school that day, and that if I offered to be a part of the logistics team, then everything would be the way it had been that afternoon. It was then, in bed, the afternoon when you learned my name for good that I came up with the idea of offering my help during Sports Day.

Before doing anything though, I needed the feeling of approval, and because I knew my best friends wouldn't provide me that in the slightest, I decided to communicate my idea to Mia. She had to be in the logistics committee as well because she was part of a sports team and she had to do extra work for the PE department.

Mia has always been very chill about virtually everything. I've never thought of her as the kind of girl who gets overly excited at something. It's not that she lacks passion or emotion, is just that she's not as dramatic as I was. So it didn't surprise me not to get from her a disapproving look or a speech on why I shouldn't make stupid decisions. It didn't surprise me when all she said about me helping out during Sports Day was "cool".

She joined me the day I decided to go to Javier's office to kindly offer my services because apparently sports had become my thing over the course of one day. In my mind, I prayed as I walked up the stairs for you not to be there. I thought you'd see through me and realize I just wanted to be around you and my offer didn't actually have to do with wanting to help.

I sighed with relief when I saw Javier was alone in the office. I could just ask him about being part of the following week's logistics without feeling weird about it. I could ask him anything without feeling weird about it because it was not him I was attracted to.

I said it as if it was nothing (because, really, it wasn't). At first, he didn't understand what I was trying to ask, and when I think about it, it was an odd request, given that I was probably the least athletic girl in my whole grade. But I was on a mission, so I tried again; I explained that I just wanted to help and he said okay, not really getting what he was agreeing to.