Self Help

Chapter One-Enough Oxygen for Everyone

Some people are very privileged. A new iPhone every other year or so, lots of friends, good grades, etc.

Of course, some aren't. Some have no home, no opportunity for education, only a life of work.

Most people, like me, are in the mix, more privileged than not. I mean, I have an amazing life compared to so many other people. I have food accessible to me almost all the time, I have two loving families- my moms and my dads- I have support from my family, my friends, even people I don't know, or vice versa.

That doesn't mean I don't struggle. It doesn't mean that, just because I have a good life, I don't have depression.

I used to be an attention whore. I'm not kidding. I would show people my cuts so they would pay attention to me. I needed someone to know what was going on, I needed someone to feel bad for me. Then, out of the blue, I stopped. I realized what I was doing. I was being a child. So, I grew up. I began to see a therapist. Soon enough, I went to a psychiatrist, where I have been diagnosed with depression and acute anxiety. I was furious.

I couldn't stop thinking, "I have no reason to be depressed. Look at me! I have a great life, I can't be depressed! I'm probably doing this for attention. (although I didn't tell anyone)" Et cetera. It was a rough couple of weeks.

Of course, I could've been right in saying that. I could be taking everything for granted. I could be subconsciously exaggerating everything.

Or maybe, I was wrong. Maybe it is possible that someone with a great life can be depressed.

I saw a post that's been floating around. It goes something like this:

"Telling someone they can't have depression because of how good their life is is a lot like telling someone with a breathing problem, (asthma, tuberculosis, COPD, etc.) that they shouldn't have it. After all, there is plenty of oxygen for everyone"

I don't know if everyone understood that, so I'll elaborate. Depression can't be helped. It can't be fixed with medication. Hell, it can't be fixed. It's a state of permanent dullness. William Styrton, an American novelist who won many awards for his works, comments on his own depression:

"It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me..." - William Styron, Darkness Visible

Depression isn't just for one type of people. It can effect an eclectic group, meaning many people with different beliefs, lives, and personalities can be effected.

Some common symptoms of depression are listed below;

~You're often forgetful.

~Decisions are hard to make, no matter how big or small.

~You're agitated, jumpy, and anxious most of the time.

~People, such as family or friends, may really irritate you at times.

~You're not sure if you're in love with your significant other-you're always questioning your feelings.

~You have trust issues.

~Everything just seems hopeless.

     Depression shows up in a variety of ways. It can result in horrible things.

     Mental disorders are common. Around 42.5 million adults are suffering from a mental illness, from schizophrenia to OCD, as measured in 2014. It is a common problem, but it is hard to come by someone who will openly talk about it. 

     I don't think I can say this enough times; you can't fix mental disorders. Bi-polar disorder, Tourette's syndrome, schizophrenia, ADHD, and so many other illnesses will never go away.

     I know, that seems extremely daunting. The thought that the feelings you have, of helplessness and sadness, will stay with you forever is absolutely terrifying. 

     With things like depression and anxiety, there has to be a plan. First, you have the downfall. It's a small, shallow hill, that you don't notice at first. Then, all of a sudden, you're falling. You can't gain control, you can't slow down and think, you've lost it. The recovery comes next. For a while, you're okay. You can breathe. Bam. You fell again, this time is worse than the last. This can happen for years, without you taking control. After all, It's hard to take control when you've began to spiral. Nothing makes sense, nobody likes you, you can't breathe-rock bottom. You've reached the lowest of lows. Forgetting about everyone else, you've lost it. You can't control what you say, you don't want to be around people, you just want to blame yourself.

     Hopefully, if you've made it that far, you've picked yourself up. If that's happened to you I need you to do something for me. Get a new journal, or one you've already been using. Write down what you've done to get back up from rock bottom.

     If you're going to take my advice during this book, you'll be using that journal a lot.