Food, Cats, and Being Lazy

Eighteen

The next day after school, I came down the stairs to raid the kitchen when I noticed that both of my parents were home. My mom was sitting in the armchair in the living room drinking some wine even though it wasn't five yet. My dad was pacing the living room, and Paige was sitting on the edge of the couch, crying again. Poor Vincent was sitting so deep in the couch cushions it looked like he wanted to become one with them. I'd never seen him look so wide-eyed and terrified in all my life.

My parents were apparently pushing them to abort. Which would explain why my mom was drinking, and my dad looked angry. Paige had apparently already visited a clinic and decided not to go through with it. So then they started pushing adoption. She said she'd consider it.

I was usually pretty nosy, but since I'd never seen my dad angry, I decided I didn't want to get caught watching this unfold. So I went through the kitchen, grabbed an entire box of Goldfish crackers, and hauled my butt back to my room at turbo speed.

Once my family knew for sure that Paige was going to keep the baby, or at least give birth to it, everyone else had to find out too. So Vincent's family came over for dinner. But both of our dads looked like they were plotting murder, and Phillip and I ended up getting sent to our rooms after things got a little heated. We weren't allowed to eat dinner until they left. I suspect that it was very uncomfortable for everyone with all the murder plotting, drunk mothers, and teen parents.

Then one day at school, I was sitting in my usual lunch spot when Laura barged in excitedly. She closed it, leaned against it, and looked right at me like we were still friends. I gave her one look and then pretended I hadn't seen her. I was reading a cookbook the Home Ec teacher let me borrow.

"Is it true that your sister is pregnant?" she asked. I looked up again.

"What makes you think you have any right to know my family's business?" She frowned. But like in a snotty way. Not like she was seriously hurt.

"I was just asking, God."

"Well, the next time you feel like asking me about my personal business, remember that you threw me aside as soon as you got a cool new haircut. But your new hair won't mask your ugly personality forever. So don't ever ask me about my sister's business again. Even if we were still friends, it wouldn't be your business."

"This is exactly why I stopped hanging out with you. You've always been a selfish bitch." I went back to ignoring her, and she stormed out.

I almost wanted to hate her for talking to me just to snoop and gather gossip to share with her new friends. But I was too preoccupied with everything happening at home to care. My dad came home early for a whole week just to yell and storm around the house. I was pretty sure he said he would wring Vincent's neck at least three times. Once even to his face.

I knew he didn't actually mean it, and I wanted to defend them. But I had no idea how to do that. Usually, when I defended Paige, I just took the blame for whatever it was she did. Like stealing those cigarettes from the neighbor. But there was just no way I could take responsibility for this one. It was pretty obvious I didn't force them to have sex. And it's not like I could also go get pregnant so that I could take some of the heat off of her. I mean, even if I did manage to find someone who wanted to have sex with me, it was a little too big of a problem for me to handle. So they were on their own with this one.

The good thing about me being lazy is that most people didn't expect much from me to start with. So I could hang out at home watching TV with my cat, and no one would be bothered or surprised by it. Sure, my mom complained about it all the time, but she was too busy with the Paige problem to bother me. It was actually kind of annoying. I told her I would dye my hair pink, and she said, "Not now, Piper. I'm busy." I didn't actually do it. But only because my dad wouldn't give me the money, and I didn't want Laura to think I'd stolen her hairstyle. Even though the pink hair idea was totally mine first.

So I was sitting in my room finishing that box of Goldfish and cuddling my cat when there was a light tap on the door. It popped open, and Paige looked in at me. She seemed a lot more tired than usual. She had dark circles under her eyes that even her fancy makeup skills couldn't cover. Her hair wasn't even that clean and shiny. This stuff was really getting to her.

"Hey," she said. I stared at her for a second. I was trying to remember the last time she'd been in my room on purpose. Not including the times she came in just to annoy me.

"Hi?"

"I was wondering if you'd go somewhere with me. I kind of need support, and I don't want to go with Mom." I nodded slowly. I didn't know why she didn't call one of her friends, but I wasn't about to tell her no. It was my sisterly duty. So I hopped out of bed and looked for my shoes.

"Is it okay if I wear this? All my clothes are in the laundry room," I explained.

"Yeah, it's fine."

I didn't know what to say to that. The only time she ever allowed me to be seen with her was when she dressed me first. She gave up on all attempts after I chopped my hair off. So I shoved my feet into my sneakers and followed after her. I didn't know where we were going until after she got my mom's car keys and got on the road. She had her driver's license. I didn't. My mom didn't trust me with her car because she said I daydreamed too much on the road.

"So, where are we going?" I asked as we drove away from the house.

"I have a meeting with a potential adoptive couple today. I would have asked Vincent, but he's been really depressed, and I didn't ask Mom because—well—you know how she is."

"Why didn't you ask one of your friends?"

"They don't really want to hang out with me right now, Piper."

"What happened to besties forever or whatever?" She sighed and gripped the steering wheel. She wasn't even trying to pretend to be chipper and peppy.

"Well, Emmy is in New York with her family until next year. She still calls me, but that's it. After Collin got a new girlfriend, Hannah had a nervous breakdown, so her parents put her in rehab. She's not really up for helping me. Everyone else just makes me feel like they're judging me. They won't say anything to my face. But I can tell that they talk about me behind my back, and I don't want to do this with anyone like that."

"So why me again?"

"Because you're my sister. I trust you."

"I thought you didn't like me."

"Just because we don't always get along, it doesn't mean I don't love you."

I didn't say anything to that. She still could have been nicer. But I recognized that she was going through something possibly traumatic. So I didn't want to kick her while she was down. Sometimes you have to take what you can get, I guess.

We drove into Boston proper, and she took me to a building that had no actual markings on it aside from a directory at the front. When we parked, she took a bunch of deep breaths like she was about to hyperventilate. So I patted her shoulder, and then she worked up the courage to climb out. I followed along nervously.

She introduced me to her caseworker as her support. I felt kind of proud of that title. That's right. I'm the support. Nobody move. Back off.

Then we went in to meet one of the couples Paige had preselected. I had no idea she was even doing that or working with these people. But they all seemed to know her and were all nice and supportive. And I guess it explained why my mom always let her borrow the car.

The couple we met with were really nice. The wife was a bubbly blonde woman who looked like she could fit right in with our family, and her husband was from Morocco. They were both in their forties and had been trying to have a family for years. But it hadn't worked, I guess. They'd been working with the adoption program for a while and had only been chosen once. But once the girl had her baby, she decided to keep it. So they were really hopeful that Paige was carrying their potential child.

The part that made me really sad is that Paige was unnaturally anti-social. Not in a mean way. She just didn't talk a whole lot and looked seconds away from crying at any given second. Her eyes got all watery when they talked about never being able to have babies and how they'd love and care for Paige's baby for the rest of their lives.

Then I realized I was going to be an aunt, and I'd probably never get to meet my niece or nephew. I figured that out when the couple said they would be perfectly fine with an open adoption so that Paige and Vincent could keep in contact and visit whenever they wanted. Paige said no. She didn't want the baby to know her.

I didn't understand why she wouldn't want to know her own baby. Judging from how she and Vincent were both blond, the baby would probably look like her. It was in her body while they spoke. She would push it out. But I wasn't in the same situation. So I guess I couldn't have an opinion. I didn't understand. And I was supportive of her choice. I knew she would only do what she thought was best.

We were silent when we got back into the car to drive home. Paige hadn't cried the entire time, even though she seemed like she would. I was afraid to say anything just in case she burst into tears behind the wheel. But I knew I had to say something to kill the silence.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. She nodded slowly. She looked dazed. She was obviously deep in thought.

"I'm fine," she said. But her voice said otherwise. "I'm actually kind of relieved."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to have a baby. Vincent and I don't even love each other anymore. He's already tried breaking up with me more than once. I think this baby thing has really gotten to his head. At least we can both be free. And he won't have to feel guilty about it."

"He's not like that. He would never throw you aside just because you put the baby up for adoption."

"It's not just that, Piper. I don't want to have a baby. I want to go to school. I want to start my life first. I don't expect you to understand. I just want you to support me. I think it's better for all of us this way. When the baby is born, it can go live with that nice family. It'll grow up happy and loved and be with parents who want it and deserve it. If it stays with us—none of us will ever get to be happy, and it'll have to grow up with teen parents who didn't even want it to begin with."

"It would still be loved."

"I'm sure it would. But it'll be happier with them. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah—I suppose. But you still have a few months to decide."

"I know that's what they said, but I know what I have to do. I can't do this on my own, and Vincent and I aren't stable enough. We're barely hanging on, and only because we're afraid of being single. You can't add a baby to that equation and think everything will turn out okay."

"I just don't want you to make a choice you'll regret. I understand why you want to give your baby up. The only thing I don't understand is why you don't want to see it grow up."

"I don't want that because it won't be my baby. Sure, it's made out of me and all that. But it'll be theirs. And if I have to see it and bond with it—then I'll regret giving it a good home. So I think it would just be less painful for all of us if we have no contact."

"It's your choice to make. I won't try to change your mind. I'll support you. Always."

"Thank you, Piper. And thank you for coming with me. I don't know if I could have done this without you." I smiled to myself.