OUT

Chapter 9 OUT

Ch 9 OUT

“Mom I’m gay.” She looks at me with this shocked look on her face. “And Hanna’s not just a friend.”

I feel the salty poison leak from my eyes as soon as the words leave my lips. I felt free, liberated from the chains of secrecy. I looked up at my mom, she looked at me for a while as if deciding if I were telling the truth. As soon as she saw tears she looked back at the road and pulled over on the side of the road, parking the car.

“When I found out I was pregnant with you I was scared.” She begins. “I was scared because I didn’t know if I’d be a good mother or if you’d like me as a mother. But when you were born and you almost died, I promised that if you make it I will always love you no matter what.”

She looks at me and I can see tears forming in her eyes.

“Even if you’re gay.” I feel another weight being lifted off my shoulders when she said that.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time but, almost every time seemed like the wrong moment. Something was always going on and… I was afraid you’d walk away from me.”

“Baby I’d never walk away from you, don’t you get that?” She begins. “You’re my child, my flesh and blood I’d never abandon you. No matter what you are or what you say I will always be here; whether it’s to listen to your dreams or watch you make stupid decisions, I will always be there for you.” I nod my head. “Don’t ever forget that baby.”

“I won’t I…” I swallowed the lump in my chest.

“I’m sorry I didn’t exactly make it easy for you to come to me, and maybe that’s why you felt you couldn’t come to me about those e-mails.” She sais, placing some guilt upon herself. I don’t want to say it and make her feel worse, but she really didn’t make it easy to come to her about a few things. “But baby don’t you ever think that you cant come to me about things. No matter what it is you can always come to me.”

“Thanks mom.” I smile at her.

“Of course.” She smiles at me before running her hand through my hair. “Besides, I don’t exactly have room to judge you about your sexuality when we’re on the same boat.”

“You’re gay?” I ask while wiping my eyes.

“Bi-sexual actually.”

“Is this because of the whole Darren thing?” I ask, she shakes her head no.

“No, Shane. I’ve been bi-sexual since middle school. I never told you because I didn’t want you to think that was the reason your father and I broke up.”

“Does he know?” She nods her head yes. “What about all those guys you dated? I never saw any women.”

“I dated women, but I never brought them around the house and I never made it exclusive.” She says. “The men I dated I genuinely cared for, but it just didn’t work out.”

We sat in silence for a while, taking in each other’s information.

“I wish I told you sooner.” I admit.

“I wish I told you sooner too.” She says.

“So you and Tina?” Mom blushes and starts up the car again.

“She asked me out to dinner.” She tells while pulling the car onto the road. “I agreed to meet her tomorrow night, but I’m thinking of having her over to the house now that I don’t have to hide it from you.”

I chuckle at mom’s words.

“So, you and Hanna huh?” I look out the window and blush furiously.