My Interpretation of HYDE

Since the early 1990's to present time, singer HYDE has continued to astound fans all over the world with his one-of-a-kind character, his sweet and honest smile, and his heart-warming voice. When I first discovered HYDE about a year ago, it was because I was very into another legendary Japanese singer, Gackt, at the time, and just so happened to stumble across the movie they acted in together in 2001, "Moon Child". I thought HYDE made an absolutely perfect vampire ( and no wonder - his newest band is called VAMPS! ). His portrayal of his character in the movie was astounding as well, and yet behind the wonderful, handsome vampire's grin on screen, I could see that he was troubled. I believe that HYDE has never truly been a happy person. I believe that, although he has always shown enjoyment in his life, he struggles mentally every day, battling with himself over the smallest things, and even big things. We all know that he was born to make music. I think that, because of that truth, his mind is more deep and intelligent than we, his fans, or anyone for that matter, could ever comprehend. I've seen it written off as "mysteriousness". I know that, back then, he kept a diary, recording every thought to pass through his mind, every smile to cross his face and every tear to stream down his cheek. Inside that diary, his whole life was written. The material in it is where many of my ideas formed from. I could practically see with my own two eyes the HYDE from when he first started his career, a young man with a dream that wouldn't rest until he achieved it. He knew he was destined for greatness, but I believe that his mind is what sometimes stood in his way.
In many interviews, HYDE would name one woman specifically when asked what his type of girl was - Megumi Oishi. Even though they had yet to meet, he had fallen head over heels, was just absolutely crazy about her. I will never forget the interview that captured their very first meeting. The way he reacted upon seeing her sit down beside him was priceless, it even brought little tears to my eyes. He looked as if an angel from Heaven had just walked through the door and into his life; "finally", he must have thought. He was completely taken aback by the beauty he saw in her, and witnessing her before his very eyes must have been wondrous. Come to pass, she too fell in love with the singer, and they ended up getting married, having a couple of children. It was the sweetest turnout we all could have hoped for. And, for a time, HYDE seemed to be genuinely happy. But, during their marriage, yet another roadblock came up in his path. A little while after the making of "Moon Child", HYDE's doctors discovered a cyst that had formed in his throat, and on the worst place possible for someone like him - his vocal chords. Since the medics thought the cyst inoperable ( luckily it was benign ), they told him it was very likely that he'd never sing again. This caused him to go into a state of on and off depression for at least a year or so. His first love, his main refuge was stolen away from him in the blink of an eye, his dream destroyed right in front of him. Luckily, though, after much reconsideration, HYDE's throat was operated on and the cyst was successfully removed. It left him with a somewhat-visible scar across his neck, but that was nothing compared to regaining his talent. To me, it was like he was born again; was able to rediscover all that he'd been gifted with. And once again, things returned to normal.
HYDE's entire life revolved around making music, creating genuine work, moving people from all aspects of life. He didn't sing for the hell of it - he sang to make people happy, and to give them something to cling to in times of desperation. Why such a marvelous person had to suffer so many trials is something I'll never understand. Yet again, he was forced to face another. Due to his absolute, full-time dedication to music-making, a strain fell over his marriage with Megumi. Even years after their wedding and years after the first time they met, he was still as much in love with her as he was in the past, when he could see but couldn't have her. What she wanted from him was something he simply couldn't provide, so she made him choose: the marriage, or the music. I can say with full confidence that I do resent her for putting him up to such a challenge. It's similar to making a mother choose which child lives and which child dies. Although he adored his wife and she meant more than the very world to him, music was sewn into his soul. He couldn't unweave the strings, he didn't want to. But, he also never even thought about losing the love is his life, his sweet Megumi. When he couldn't pick, she picked for him, and left, the marriage ending up in a bitter divorce. It saddened me greatly to see such a once beautiful, blossoming couple wither and fall in the end, and to see it happen to HYDE, no less. He deserved better than all he'd gotten. And yet I think that he had grown tired of letting life walk all over him. In the past, he'd accepted what came his way and never really did anything to try to change what he didn't like. When his marriage fell apart, though, something clicked in his mind, like a lightbulb instantly switching on. He had to move on, or at least try to, for he knew that if he held on to the sorrow of losing his beloved, he'd drown in it.
Now, in the present time, HYDE is as feisty and unruly as ever, powerful in his status as one of Japan's most renowned singers/performers of all time. Seems like quite a drastic change, right? Well, here's what I think changed about him - everything! His appearance, his mannerisms, his personality, the style of his music, even his voice: all of it has somehow been altered, and I believe it's all because of what his life was like in the past. The most recent incident, the divorce from his wife, made him open his eyes. If you haven't noticed, no longer is he the quiet, innocent singer he was from the L'arc~en~Ciel/solo career days. He isn't the skinny, almost boyish young man he was in "Moon Child". He grew his hair out. He dyed it black, for God's sakes. He got tattooed. He amped up his wardrobe. His voice went from sweet and soft to loud, aggressive and rough in a matter of a year, maybe a little bit more. And, most importantly, he is constantly touring or playing shows. Now, earlier I said that he wasn't going to let life walk all over him anymore. That statement I only partially believe. Although HYDE has changed in many ways, he still has the same brain, and I think he still is not genuinely happy. I think he's always on the move and always playing shows to keep himself busy and to keep his mind off of his memories, primarily the ones of Megumi. VAMPS even has a song called "Memories". The English lyrics are damn near exact with some of my ideas that I stated above. It's very intriguing, but also heart-breaking to watch him try to live his life to the absolute fullest, but still not be able to let go of the past. I think his mind is so incomprehensible and so unlike any other mind to ever have existed, that he physically is not capable of feeling true joy. I'm not saying he has a mental illness, I just think that that's how his mind works. He can be happy in moments and be content with life, but because he wastes time thinking about things long since past, he has yet to truly let go, and he has yet to find the meaning of bliss.
I've seen VAMPS live once and it was one of the most amazing nights of my life, one I will never, ever forget. His stage antics and harsh voice make for quite the show. Besides that, however, his entire life up until now is played out before the audience. It's out there for everyone to see. It's shown in his movements, his facial expressions, the passion in his voice. Many of the opinions I expressed above also come from my own personal experience with HYDE, and just what I witnessed when I saw him in real life. Trust me when I say it is a beautiful, majestic sight to see, to be able to share his pain and his happiness with him, and he'll gladly welcome yours too. I do think that, when it comes to music, he's wild, personality-wise. He wants to jump and yell and roll around on the ground and live up to his reputation of being a vampire and just have a great time while he can, because he knows concerts don't last forever. But, in my opinion, that's not the original HYDE. It's a show, his attempt to let everyone know that he has in fact gotten over his past struggles. But in those attempts, to me, it's plain to see that he is far from such a state. His life hasn't been an easy one, but he's made it this far. It just goes to show that outstanding people live the hardest lives. Those who deserve only the very best sometimes get the very worst. If his fans have faith in him, though, and continue to support him no matter what he does with his life, I think that one day, he may finally reach it - happiness will finally be within his grasp. We have to be there for him like he's always been there for us, to help him stand up again, to answer the call whenever he needs someone. It's up to us just as much as it's up to him.