Autumn's Leafs

The Introduction

Fuck....

It's 6:30am.. I need to get ready for school.

It's so cold in my room. I'm literally freezing my ass off. I despise it so much.  Who else hates Mondays? I know I do... I went to bed around 11:15, but couldn't fall asleep until 2 or 3.

My mom is constantly calling my name from downstairs to wake me up. It's sooo annoying. Her voice is all messed up from smoking so much, and it annoys me when she speaks because it reminds me of harsh times, when she started smoking, and when her voice was like musical notes. She damaged her self, to release her regrets out. She's made many mistakes in the past, but hey, we all have, including me. I'm still recovering from a long depression, and it seems like it's coming back to me again.

I used to like going to school, to see my friends, get through easy work, and just chill.  Well, those days have faded away.  I hate going to school.  I feel like people are constantly changing their opinion on me, like I'm a freak or an asshole for being different.  I'm too hella shy to talk to people sometimes, even people I care about so much, I just can't get the fucking words out of my words.  It annoys me to keep it in, but I can't let it out sometimes.  Even her... I can't get the words out because I get bad anxiety and I feel like I'm gonna make her think I'm and idiot or some shit.

I've learned over the years that people are never fully accepting when it comes to other people in society.  I have a hard time getting accepted for who I am.  That's one of the reasons why I choose to keep my mouth shut, because I'm afraid to tell the truth to people.  Most of the time I don't even give a shit what a person thinks of me, only if it's someone so close to me, then it's somewhat different... Idek I hope that makes sense.