Autumn's Leafs

The Episode

FUCKKK

I CAN'T TAKE THIS FUCKING SHIT ANYMORE

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I literally fuck up everything.

I'm sorry I'm different. I can't help it but to just keep suffering and to be hung up at the end of the rope. I'm literally about to punch the fucking wall. The air is full of negativity. "At least you got it off your chest." No. Fuck you. The regret still haunts me and stays in the back of my head. I can't deal with this shit anymore! I don't even know what it is. Something is wrong with me. I know something is wrong with me. I'm so fucked up and caught in my own little world, that I can't save myself in reality anymore. Please tell me, what's wrong with me??

I'm already caught up in a tesseract full of depression. It's not the denial, it's the reason. I felt like I was the happiest person alive at the time.  Now I have made my mistakes and I cannot fix them.

I'm sorry...
I'm sorry...

I couldn't control myself.  I was so upset and angry that it just... Happened...

Will it heal?  Maybe physically, but not mentally.  I'm forever scarred by the martyrs in life.  I can't go back in time to change shit, and even if the outcome was different, it will keep popping up in the back of my head.

I just can't get you off my mind.  I can't stop thinking about the right and wrong decisions, regrets and mistakes, and all that shit I do to fuck shit up.  Please don't hate me...
Don't leave me...

Wake me up when its summer time... Cause I'm done with everything right now. Nobody even cares so wtf is the point. School is just a prison cell for me to keep stressing myself over crazy things, even the tiniest thing. I can't control my stress, nor my anger, or anxiety, or depression. I seriously need help...

Therapy didn't help me too much. It was just vague and pointless. I lied. Nothing is okay. Everything is bullshit. I lied right in front of them. They think everything is okay, so they go back to making me miserable again at times. I need a psychiatrist. Medicine is so hard to depend on when it comes to mental illnesses, but its the only option I have left, unless there is some one who can truly distract me from my troubles and help me out of this mess.

Listen, I'm sorry... Okay?
I never said I was perfect...
Nobody is perfect
Except for you...
You have the ability to make others truly happy
To make me happy
I'm begging you,
Don't leave me..
Don't hate me...
Don't forget me... Ever...