And it hurts

Old Habits

5 years

That's how long I've been cutting,it began at 14 when I started high school. I got bullied a lot because I was new in town but mainly because I wasn't like everyone else,I didn't get along with people and became the outcast. There were actually a few of those who 'grouped' up but even then I was an outcast. That was until I met him.

Kyle Anderson.

Since the day we met each other we've had that connection,even though we met under bad circumstances. We met through our old school counselor,she had put us together in a 'group therapy session'. It was the stupidest thing I've ever heard of but it was so bad.

I went to counseling for my self harm and he went for being abused. We both have scars but the only difference is,mine aren't just scars.

I'm currently on tour with his band,Energized. I have everything I could ever ask for yet I'm still hurting myself.
Why? It's not to feel that adrenaline rush or to get that feeling of relief but because it has become such a habit that it's hard to stop.

So here I am in the bathroom of a hotel in the middle of London. Fists clenched around that razor blade that holds so many secrets that I would never dare to tell. Kyle hasn't seen these ugly scars. We live in Ireland so wearing long sleves during summer isn't a problem. The only time it's an issue is when we get extremely intimate.I'll use the same excuse every time,I'm not ready yet. It's not a complete lie but it's not the truth either.

I've been sitting here for a while just embracing the feel of warmth running down my arm.

After I have cleaned up,I make my way to Kyle and Jack's room. Searching for his Sleeping with sirens hoodie,I notice a light coming from the bathroom.

Nobody's supposed to be here. Giving up on finding the hoodie I grab his 5 Seconds Of Summer hoodie and walk towards the bathroom,careful not to bump any of their guitars over. Peeking in I see that curly set of hair I know too well sitting on the floor back towards me. Just as I was about to speak I noticed that he was trembling and there were little droplets of red on the floor.

Blood.