Fitzsimmons 2

Transparency

It was the third week.  The third week of trying to find Will, and Fitz was telling her he couldn't reconstruct the base of the portal using laws of physics on earth.  Jemma was already feeling guilty she'd left him behind, and now she felt guilty for leaving him for so long.  She couldn't take another setback at this point.

"You certainly can't?"

"If I could I might be in the running to join Daisy's new team," Fitz cracked, then smiled at his own joke.  He stopped when he realized Jemma wasn't laughing with him.

"You said Earth's physics were incompatible, could we simulate the environment on the planet?  I didn't get measurements, but I know what my body's been accustomed to, maybe I-"

"You can't simulate wormholes, Jemma."

Jemma ran her hands through her hair and distanced herself from the table.

"Are you mad at me because I can't bend physics?"

"I'm mad at you because you're not trying hard enough, Fitz!"  He looked down, and when he looked back up his eyes were glistening.

"Well can you really blame me, Jemma?"

She sighed again and made her way back to the table.  "I know I've been putting you through a lot, Fitz, and I'm sorry I had to ask you of all people."

"I'd do this for years if you asked," he replied quickly, and Jemma's heart dropped.  She closed her eyes and looked to the floor.  "I mean it, Jemma.  If he makes you the most happy, well, I want you to be happy."

"Please don't make this more difficult for me," she whispered, her eyes closed.  Fitz leaned forward and placed his hand over hers.

"We're going to find Will, okay?  We're going to fix this like we always do."

"Together," Jemma finished, tilting her head up.  Fitz's reassuring eyes met hers, and soon enough her mouth was leaning towards his.

His hands flew to her shoulders, and she was stopped inches away.

"Jemma," he whispered like he was in physical pain.  She knew every part of him wanted this, maybe even needed this.  Why was he resisting?  "You're choosing Will.  We can't be like this if you're in love with him."

"I love you, too, Fitz."  It left her lips before she could stop it, but it felt like instinct to her.  It felt right.

She didn't see how Fitz's face had contorted in pain at the words, or how much he was struggling to keep his tears in until she opened her eyes.

"Fitz?" she breathed, shifting back to see him.  He shook his head frantically, lips pursed closed to the point that they were turning pale.  "Fitz," she let out a cry herself.

They quickly found their way into each other's arms, and Fitz made a constricted sob-like noise against her hair.  She'd always been able to see his pain, to empathize with him, but never before had she actually felt it as though they shared the same nervous system.  Neither made another sound, and Jemma knew it was because they were both trying so hard to be the strong one.  God, it always felt like they were trying to hold themselves in, from the very first time they'd met.  They held themselves to such high standards that any weakness at all felt like failure.

Jemma Simmons had spent six months fighting for her life on an alien planet.  She'd seen her best friend in a coma for nine long days, then she'd seen him struggle to become normal again.  She'd learned to lie on her undercover mission, and she'd watched the light leave a man's eyes at her own hands.  Jemma Simmons was good at hiding.  Leo Fitz was even better.

She let her fingers dig into his shoulders as scream-like sobs ripped through her exhausted body.  Almost immediately Fitz reciprocated and forced her impossibly closer to him, and although she couldn't hear his whimpering, she felt his chest heaving against her own.

"If we're going to finish this," she managed, sniffling as she went.  "I need us to be transparent."  Fitz's chin bobbed up and down against her neck, and she felt the cool tears running down his face.