A new start book 1 | Completed

Chapter 17.

Tris Pov
This is my life. I think to myself. I'm useless, worthless. No body cares.
Right now I'm standing in front of my mirror in my bathroom with the blade in my hand. I take a deep breathe and bring the blade to my wrist. I let tears fall. Today Peter bullied me. In front of the school. The group wasn't there they where at their lockers. I was waiting for them outside. When they came out and saw me getting beat up they stopped it. Tobias took cared of Peter. While the other boys where taking the minions. 
The girls were trying to comfort me. I just got up and ran home I heard footsteps behind me and people calling my name, but I didn't stop. I know there in my room. But I could care less.
I look at myself in the mirror. I have a black eye, bruised jaw and split lip. A small sob escapes my lips. Why am I such a screw up?
After a while I go out after my eyes aren't red and my face isn't blotchy. I still don't have razors so I used one of those walk around pencil sharpener's.
''You alright?'' Uriah asks. This is what I'm thinking and this is what I say. I'm going insane. ''I'm fine.'' I say.
''You sure?'' Chris asks. I'm breaking inside. ''I'm okay.''
''What's wrong?'' Marlene asks. Its destroying me. ''Its nothing.''
''If you ever need help were here.'' Shauna says. Please help me. ''Don't worry about it.''
''How are things?'' Toby asks me. I'm in so much pain. ''Things are good.'' I say all those things with no emtion. The truth is I'm not fine I'm not okay it isn't just nothing and they know that. I do need help I just don't want it.
Read between the lines.

I sit on my bed and stare at my hands. Toby gives me a kiss. My mom calls us down for a snack. My dad didn't stick around. He said we were better off without him. That hurt. I cried for a day straight. Cut up to my elbows convincing myself it was my fault her left.
We head downstairs. My mom smiles at us but when she see's me her smiles turns into a frown. I give her a weak smile. ''Beatrice, honey, what happen!'' She exclaims. ''Remember Peter.'' I whisper hoping she doesn't hear me. ''The devil child.'' She says. The group bursts into laughter. Zeke laughs so hard he falls out of his chair causing me to laugh and the group to laugh harder.
My mom puts a wet rag to my split lip and gets two Ice packs. One for my eye and another for my jaw.
While I'm holding the one ice pack to my jaw my sweatshirt eeve fell down so you could see my cuts. Its goes down to my elbows. Chris and Toby are sitting next to me and they see them. I quickly fix my sleeve. They give me sad looks. Pity is the word. I shrink in my sit and don't eat.
''Beatrice.'' My mother scolds. ''What?'' I ask. ''E. A. T.!'' She spells. ''I'm not hungry!'' I complain. ''Beatrice May Prior!'' My mom yells at me. ''Alright geez!'' I yell back. She sets some fruit in front of me. I just stare at it.
''Please.'' Toby whispers into my ear. His breathe tickling my neck sending chills down my back. I take my fork and eat the banana pieces first then strawberry and so on. As soon as finished it I ask my mom for water. She gave me some water and I drank it while walking to the bathroom.
When I finished my water I stick my middle finger down my throat so far my knuckle is down my throat. I've done this before its just been a while.
I feel the water and fruit come back up and I puke into the toilet. After wards I wash my hands and took a piece of mint gum from my pocket.
I walk out and to my room. The gang sits there talking. I go and my guitar and my paper to write songs. I go and sit in my beanbag and I get my computer.

''Watcha doing?'' Zeke asks. ''Writing a song.'' I reply. He nods. In the end I end up with a song called 'Her last Words' (By courtuney don't remember her last name)

Just an average girl

She always wore a smile

She was cheerful and happy for a short while

Now she's older, things are getting colder

Life's not what she though, she wishes someone had told her

She told you she was down, you let it slip by

So from then on she kept it on the inside

She told herself she was alright