Too Much, Too Soon

Five

He turned to me and we sat in silence. "Um...how long have you been feeling like this?" I shook my head, "I don't know. Months. Maybe a week or two after we left I started questioning...thinking." I haunched over, resting my elbows a top of my knees. He assuringly rubbed my back and stated, "the only thing I can think of you probably won't like." I blankly said, "just say it. Honestly I don't care what it is."

"Just don't sweat the small stuff. You've got to do what you feel is right. Go with your gut and your heart. Your first response. Whatever that may be, I will support it, y'know." I turned to him, "thank you. I just need to pull my head out of my ass and make a decision." He laughed, lightening the mood slightly, "I suppose...yeah. But I know making a...what's the right word...career? Making a 'career' move is probably the most difficult thing ever from what I've experienced. You just have to do what you feel needs to be done. I'd love for you to stay here but if you feel you need to go back home then do it. I honestly don't know what to tell you. I questioned whether or not I should drop out of high school and I just went for it. Do I regret it? It's too early to know. Who the hell knows how this music thing will turn out but I have faith that it will. I have faith in you too. You are stubborn so whatever you decide to do, I know you will make it work."

I leaned back, "thanks. I hope whatever I choose will. I'm gonna go for a walk. I need to clear my mind. Thanks for talking. It felt nice to tell someone. Thank you." I got up and crossed the room.

*Billie's P.O.V.*
I sat on the edge of the bed. I kind of felt bad. There wasn't much I could say or do; all I could do is sit and watch her internal battle take place. I took the letter and reread it for what seemed like the one thousandth time today.

"Damn. She's smart," I said with a sigh and a sense of distress in my voice. I tossed the letter to my left. It fluttered from the air to the ground.

After sitting in silence, I stood up and made my out of the room and down the hall.

"Hey!" I turned to Mike, "hey. Where have you been?" I grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water as he replied, "places," he tilted his head to the side and looked up to me, "is everything alright?" I sat besides him and slammed the glass in my hand on the table unintentionally hard. "Just...I don't know. It's just responsibility and decision making and I can't help at all and that sucks and...I don't want her to leave but I want her to be happy and do what she needs but I really do not want her to go." He peered at me, "I wish I knew what to tell you. Just girls confuse me first of all and second, you just kinda got to be there. Like someone to talk to sorta speak." I nodded my head, "yeah." We sat and let the silence engulf us.

*Hailee's P.O.V.*
I kicked the gray rock on the ground back and forth between my feet. I leaned up against the red brick wall of the worn down building that was sandwiched between a dozen other nearly identical ones. I glanced, down the dark alley, to my right--from there I could see a small bakery store front--then to my left, then peered up at the dark, ominous sky.

"Ugh," I sighed aloud and then spoke to myself, "honestly, make up your mind kid." In reality--in the small corner of my mind that I rarely ventured to--I knew what I wanted. It was what sparked the question in the first place. Acceptance, however, is not something I was willing to give in to.

The small pebble bouncing across the pavement became more tantalizing as time passed. I talked to myself once more, "just do what you need to. He said...he'll be okay with anything. But...what if?... What if that's not true?...It isn't; he's true to his word." I gave up on trying to talk me out of it; I knew what I wanted and that's what I'll do.

I made my way out of the alleyway with my hands shoved into the pockets of my oversized hoodie. Often, I was warned to 'not walk down by the bakery alone;' little did all-who-warned-me know was that I would often run past that bakery daily in the early hours of the day. However, since the area could be known as 'dodgy' or 'sketchy,' I looked at the sidewalk and avoided all eye contact.

I looked up in order to make sure I was heading in the right direction. "You look rather nice today," a homeless man eyeing me up and down said with a grin as I rushed past. Regretting my decision to look up, I gazed at the ground once more. I could feel the eyes of people watching me as I'd walk past; it was an unwelcoming and uncomfortable.

As Billie's house drew nigh, I began to ease. I opened the door and entered the house.

"Hey! How's it going? Have you thought of anything? Should I just shut up?" I looked to Billie and laughed, "you don't need to shut up. And yeah, I have thought of something." He eagerly looked to me as I took a seat at the empty table, "yeah?" I sighed and put my head in my hands, "I...know what I want and I hate that I do."

"Please tell me what exactly that is. If you'd like...?" I peered through my hands to gaze at him in his eyes and opened my mouth to speak.