Too Much, Too Soon

Eight

Christina turned to me, "you heard what I said, bitch." I looked around the table, seeking the appalled facial expressions I'd expect to see; there wasn't any.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." I pushed away from the table and stormed away. I heard my mothers voice ring out, "get back here young lady." I ignored it and kept moving.

I honestly had no idea where I was going. I wanted to board a plane and go back home.

I tried to open the door to the unattached garage (well it was mainly extra square footage; it was never used for a garage) in the back corner of the yard. "Listen here bitch," I said as I wiggled the knob, "open the fuck up." I kept at it, hoping the cold weather hadn't sealed the door shut. "Damn it." I saw the key code box next to it. I tried several arrangements of numbers. Anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, moving dates; nothing worked. "I wonder..." I sighed and tried the one last number, it worked. "Well, l guess you'd remember a day like that," I grieved as I pushed the door opened.

The lights flicked on, illuminating the room. I sat in the saucer chair in the corner. The door creaked open.

"Hey." I looked up to match the soft voice with it's owner, "oh. Hi, Justin." He walked over, "mind if I..." he said gesturing to the empty seat next to me. I leaned back, "um...yeah sure. Go ahead." He settled down.

"So...How's it been?" I sighed, "good I suppose. You?" "I've been great. Are you sure you're alright or...?" He looked to me. "Yeah. I've been genuinely okay. Christina pissed me off and my mom always ridicules him. He is the greatest guy I've known." He shifted uncomfortably. I laughed, "well you are too. I hope you know I think you're great!" He cracked a smile,
"yeah, I know. So, you still have feelings for this guy or...?" "Oh hell yeah. I love him. I'm in love with him."

"Well," he began, "why are you here then? I mean, I love to see you, but if you left your 'heart in San Francisco'...I don't know really how to word it well. Why don't you just go back? What prompted you to come back? I contemplated his words, "I do not know why I came back. I want to mend the relationship with my parents but that's working well. And as far as this guy--his name is Billie--he just simply is perfect to me. I know that's cliché and what I'm about to say is too: But, all I know is that this guy makes me crazy...in a good way. I just need to be around him. I like just being near him. His essence. His presence. Just him."

He suggested, "well, does he know this? Since you're on a break..." "Can I tell you something? It's nothing big, but I don't want my parents to know or anyone really for that matter." He straightened up, "yeah. I can keep a secret." I laughed, "well, we're not on a break or anything; that's a load of shit. I call him everyday when my mom goes to the gym or runs errands or is out to lunch. We miss each other. However, he seems like happy and all and I don't want to ruin that by complaining so I just bottle it in. And plus I made the decision to come back to be around family and I can't cut that too short, even though I want to go back."

He rocked back, "well, my advice is to tell him everything you've just told me. Is that everything or no?" I sighed, "my parents piss me off. All my mom knows how to do is swipe a credit card, and all my dad talks about is how much better it was when he was a kid. They never let me get a word in. I'll say something and they'll be like 'you don't have enough life experience.' Well, I know more than what I'm given credit for. Then I feel guilty because when my sister died, I didn't do a good job of keeping in touch. Okay, sorry; I'm done."

"Hey, don't apologize. I'm always here to talk. We better get back though or they'll think something is up. But just hold on with your family and if you feel you need to go back, go back. I know with your sister that is difficult to cope and I am truly, sincerely sorry. It's not your fault and communication is two ways." I nodded, "yeah. Thanks for letting me bitch." He rose and laughed, "No problem. You've developed a vocabulary." We began towards the door, "What do you mean?" He chuckled, "'Bitch,' 'fucking,' those words. That's what I mean." "Oh yeah. I have developed a huge fucking vocabulary." He laughed, "you are still the sarcastic little fuck I've always known."

We walked and reminisced the whole way back to the house. "Remember when we went to the skate park and you tried to be cool by trying to ride the rail but you fell and broke your arm?" He laughed, "yes, unfortunately. I did look and feel cool, and that one hot brunette signed my cast, so that's a plus. Remember when you tried to backflip into the pool, slipped and belly flopped?" "Yes! That is my finest day." He opened the back door as we still laughed, our faces red from both the cold and lack of air supply.

When we made our way into the dining room, our laughter immediately ceased. Everyone was on their feet, waiting for us.