The Bad Boy and the Badder Girl

and the exploring

[Picture of Dylan and Cailyn up above^^^]

Call me an adventurer.

I suppose that label would suit me. I had taken quite a liking into going off places and finding a special spot that was just for me. So I could think, and actually let some emotions and fragments of my true self come to light.

I never brought anyone, it was only ever me. And that's how I wanted it to stay.

Being alone wasn't as bad for me as it was for others. Some people consider it the worst feeling in the world, being scared and all alone with no one to help you or just to be there when you need them. I was not most people. I looked forward to being alone, I made multiple excuses to be alone. I once told dad that I was going on a French trip for school to Quebec when I really went to New York City for two weeks.

The life I live is very dramatic per say. There is always someone new in the business starting problems or issues with shipments, betrayals, negotiations, shootings, other bad and over dramatic shit. I guess I need some time away from it. If the business stresses me out now then imagine how awful it will be when I take it over.

I need to distance myself. Take some time off every once in a while. Not just from the mob but just from life in general. I mean let's face it my life is not your average doodles on notebooks and listening to pop music while shopping with friends. No big family dinners for thanksgiving or Christmas (especially since most of my family is either dead or dead to me) no trick-or-treating for Halloween. I had zero childhood, zero safety and comfort. Do you think that my dad cuddled me when I was afraid of the monster in my closet? No he gave me a gun and told me to shoot if anything came in without knocking.

I almost shot Dylan that night.

Growing up without supervision or rules or in a family that lives the way mine does makes you an adventurer. It makes you want to go out and explore and learn new things on your own. If I wasn't exploring that night I would've never discovered the fighting bar. I would've never been able to realize I was actually really good at fighting.

Every day and sometimes night, I would get on the bus (up until last year when I had gotten my drivers license) and go to a random place. Once I was there I would walk around looking for something I found interesting. Usually abandoned buildings or old factories, occasionally trees with a great view. After finding everything I could bus distance, I would drive myself to the next town or two over to explore. I don't know why I did that, but I did.

The coolest place I had ever found was and old abandoned asylum. You could tell that it was from the early to mid 1900's because you could see all the old tools and where they used to give the patients electroshock therapy and all the padded cells with the straight jackets. They even had a rotted corpse down in one of the basement rooms, can't begin to imagine how crazy they thought he must have been.

I guess we're all a little crazy. I'm not saying electroshock therapy crazy, but in our own way everyone's crazy. Me, I'm crazy in the way that, well as Dylan puts it I'm an "adrenaline junkie". I guess it's an understandable statement, being put in the face of danger then finding the quickest way out of it really pumps me up. It's like a puzzle, with pressure to you know, stay alive.

I was torn from my thoughts by my phone ringing in my pocket.

"Hello?"

"Did you seriously ditch on your first day back?" The annoying voice I recognized as my brothers scolded.

"I got halfway through it, you should be proud."

"Well I'm not, why did you leave anyways?"

"Because people were annoying me."