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An End or Beginning? (rough draft)

okay so here i was on my way back to my little Scottish town which i managed to escape, of course i'm now being dragged back, the kicking in screaming is all in my head

my boyfriend and i broke up, he got to keep the flat, and now i was penniless and going back to stay with my dad in the flat he stays in above the family business, a small cafe, where the price of a scone is astronomical but the gossip is rife.

my mum left us when i was a kid and my dad raised me, it made me a bit of a tomboy but, he did teach e all of the basics, periods, women's bodies, where babies came from, i mean he got almost all of it wrong, but at least he tried, plus, my best friend Rosie stayed close ot me, and her mum taught me everything that my dad didn't. But he taught me how to change a tire and the proper way to kick a man in the crotch to do some real damage.

This town really does suck the soul right out of you, if you weren't from here you would think that there was a mass depression in Byre. Oh that's great there's a woman, orange face, bright bleached hair, on her phone and three kids on those kiddy leash things, it's like Paris Hilton was melted as she walked her dogs. Even the little corner shop, has been destroyed by the people in this town, it used to be a lovely little shop, you could get your sweets and magazines, now it has bars on the window and someone has spray painted, 'Ronnie is a wanker' on the door. Now i dont know who Ronnie is, maybe Ronnie is a wanker, but i doubt he needs that form of advertisement just to declare his nature as a human being, unless they're talking about old Ronald Newman, who lived down the road from my dad, in which case, he is a wanker.

I pulled up outside the cafe. My god, the place looked worse thank i remembered it. And where's the 'K' in the sign, now it just said 'eiths Cafe'. What the hell would someone want with a single letter 'K' made of pine. That just baffles me.

I got my bag out of the back seat and opened the door.
"well, well, well, i didn't think i'd see you again" said a familiar voice
"i know, i figured the next time i'd be here would be for a funeral" i replied, knowing who it was
"It's good to see you Essie, the towns been crap without you" Rosie always had a way with words
"i wish i could say it's good to be back, but it is good to see you again" i walked over to her and gave her a hug.
"Heard your man broke up with you, was he gay?"
"no, we just wanted different things"
"he wanted to be gay?" she asked
"i think if he wanted to be gay we would have broken up because we wanted the same thing"
Rosie lifted her brow and nodded her head in realization.
"how's my dad getting on?" i asked
"not bad, Linda from the flower shop's been trying to get in about him, but her husband caught her, he started asking questions when he found a candle, and a bouquet of roses next to a picture of your dad and a wooden 'K' in the laundry room. She didn't think he'd find it"
"oh, so that's where it went"
"yeah, apart from that, he's doing ok"
I looked at the cafe, it had really gone downhill since i'd left, dad always kept it in such good condition.
"how long you in town for?" asked Rosie, lighting up a cigarette
"i have no idea, but hey, fancy a drink tonight, down the pub, we can have a good catch up, i just really need to talk to my dad right now"
"yeah sure, i need to get back to the nursery anyway, i only left so i could buy a packet of cigarettes and that was an hour ago, i left the janitor in charge" she replied " so the pub at 8?"
"i'll see you then". I opened the boot of my car and i was depressed at the contents. Eight boxes, a suitcase and a bag for life filled with scarves. This is what my life came down to. I walked over to the cafe and looked through the glass door, i could see my dad watching the news on the small television behind the counter. He looked so much older than when i left.
I opened the door and the bell chimed. "hey dad" i said loudly, he looked over at me and gave me a big grin.
"oh my nelly, my little girl has came home" he ran over to me and gave me a big hug and a kiss. He looked to my side saw my bags. "oh my god what's happened, why arent you with Steve?"
"steve and i broke up" i replied
"oh, was he gay?" he asked
"jesus, no, why would you think that, no, we just wanted different things, and so he kept the flat in edinburgh and i was hoping i could stay here for a little bit?"
"of course you can sweetheart, you're always welcome here, fancy a tea?"
"yeah, i'll just pop my bags in my room"
"oh honey, actually, you're going to have to sleep in the spare room"
"why?"
"all of my projects are in your room, just because it's bigger"
"what projects?" i asked cautiously
"That's right, i haven't told you about my projects, come on, i'll show you"
I walked behind my dad as he walked upstairs, What on earch was his project? and why would it take up all the bloody space in my bedroom?.
Walking up the stairs, i passed all of the photographs of my mum, dad and I, i never knew why he didn't take them down. It was a constant reminder of her leaving us. I guess he still had to move on, she left when i was seven, it had been twenty yeras since her leaving and both of us still wouldn't talk about it. We never knew why, or where she went, one day she was here and the next she was gone. I heard my dad opening the door to my room, I peered around the corner not knowing what to expect.
My room, once filled with pink and purple flowers and lovely teddy bears and rabbits was now filled with actual stuffed animals.
"really dad, taxidermy, why?" I asked
"well you know Jim at the butchers, he started up a group at the community center about wildlife in Scotland and nature, and then after a few weeks we got a bit bored so we decided to turn our focus to taxidermy, it's still nature and wildlife, just, you know, more still" he replied
"ok, i guess it's just a bit fo a shock seeing my childhood bedroom filled with so many dead and mounted animals"
"completely understandable, oh, actually, i was going to give you this when i saw you on your birthday, but you can have it now as a welcome back present" He walked over to my wardrobe and handed me a bag,
"what is it?" I i carefully asked
"well open it and see"
I opened the bag, well, i was certainly surprised "oh my god, Buster"
"yea, he passed away last month, and i thought that this would be a great way for you to always have him with you, he was a lovely little dog wasn't he?"
"erm, yeah, he was. I was wondering why i didn't see him running around" I put my stuffed dog bag into the bag as quickly as I could "well dad, thanks for letting me stay here and for my stuffed dead dog, but i am going to go and unpack, but I'll be down and get that cup of tea in a wee bit"
"aw that's no problem love, I'll go put the kettle on"
Dad left the room and went back down to the cafe. I walked into the spare room. It was a tiny box room, that had net curtains and a half carpeted floor. I threw my bag onto the bed and flopped onto the mattress. I couldn't believe that I was back here, i mean i love seeing my dad, but I never fitted in. I always saw this town as a stop on the way to somewhere better. But I'm back. Oh hell i needed a drink.

I went back down to the cafe. Old Mrs Briggs was sitting in the far corner watching the horse racing on the television as she tightly gripped her tickets, i walked over and joined my dad at the counter,
"I see Mrs Briggs is still into the horse racing" I said signalling to her
"yea, she never gave it up, in here everyday with a new set of coupns, waiting for a horse to win, it's a bit shocking that she used to work at a wildlife park caring for the horses, maybe that what got her into it"
"Paul Shields from school said that she used to make them race when the bosses weren't working and make people bet on them"
"oh Essie, since when did you listen to that boy, he was always full of utter crap, besides, she also worked with the deer and rabbits" he said giving a smile, i laughed, i forgot how funny my dad could be.
"here, take this tea over to her, will you?" dad asked as he passed me a cup and saucer. I nodded and walked over
"no luck today Mrs Briggs?" i asked
"no, i'd be better on all fours running myself" she turned to look at me "oh, Essie, how are you?" she asked as she accepted the tea and grabbed my hand "the last time i saw you was, well it must've been five or so years ago, that's nice of you to visit your dad?" she said with a big smile
"well i'm back staying here temporarily"
"i though you satyed in edinburgh with you boyfriend, Calum?"
"Steve, erm, we broke up"
"oh no dear, im so sorry to hear that, well, it's better you found out now than later"
"sorry, what do you mean?" i asked confused
"well you wouldn't want to have married him if he was gay sweetheart, it's better you found out now"
I looked at her confused, "no, he wasn't gay, why do people keep asking if he was gay?"
"well, remember that boy, Lonan broke up with you because he was gay"
"i went out with him at school, we were fifteen"
"i know dear, but history has a habit of repeating itself, it's not your fault, some women just attract them, don't worry, you'll find a nice man some day"
"ok, well thanks Mrs Briggs, enjoy your tea, " i started to walk away "you old batty gambler"

I spent the day at the cafe, helping my dad with work, not that there was much of that. Business had really died down. I spent the day saying hello to people I hadn't seen in years and having to explain that me and Steve didn't break up because he was gay. I didn't realise I had the reputation around my small town as the woman who turn men gay, but apparently I did.