The Stories

Let Me Pretend

How come I pretend to have a good life when I don't have one? I don't know. I've been asking myself that for three years.

I did have a good life. I did have good days. Everything was perfect in my life. I had a group of friends. I had a happy family. I had everything handed to me. I had all good grades.

Until sophomore year hit me like a brick. My grades went straight down. My family has been fighting. My best friend is keeping secrets from me. My dad is suicidal. My grandmother died. Depression started to overcome. My happiness seemed to hide in a corner.

Yet I act happy around people? Why is that?

I act like everything is fine. They think I'm fine. I joke around. I laugh and smile. I pretend to be so happy when I'm not.

My heart is already being crushed into pieces by the immense worry that no one likes me. My mind is already filled with the voice inside me named Depression who tells me I'm a mistake. My body twisting up into knots because of all the stress and worry I have that people are keeping secrets from me and that my family is broken.

Why act happy when everything hurts inside?

I don't know.

But I do

Its to not bring my friends down. The ones that bring me down. I'm not going to let them worry's about me. Even though it pains me, I can't let the disease go on. The disease of depression. I will keep my friends happy because they're all I have left. I will keep them happy so I can hide my true feeling away, afraid they might run away if they found them.

I will stay happy for you, even if it pains me to pretend.