A few hours later..
"Olivia, I got you something!" her mother shouted as she brought the grocery bags into the house.
She wasn't surprised when her daughter didn't come running because she always was listening to music and usually didn't hear her.
"Olivia!" she called out. Kids and their phones. "Olivia Delilah Smith!"
There was no response yet again. The mother was concerned now, so she rushed to the room. "Olivia, is something wrong?"
She opened the door to the normally disorganized room, and she noticed her daughter's phone deserted on the floor. This was very unlike Olivia, who was like most teenagers and addicted to the miniature computer.
The bathroom was the next place to look. She headed to the door, and she knocked first. "Olivia, honey, are you okay?"
When there was yet again no answer, Olivia's mother opened the door and was greeted by the unconscious body of her daughter.
"Oh my God!" She shrieked gibberish, terrified and unknowing of what to do. As she reached out to touch her child, she felt the dreadful chill she never even had nightmares about, and at that moment, she knew she would have them now.
The mother called the emergency number, and while she was trying to figure out what was wrong with Olivia, it finally became clear. She noticed the pill bottle that had landed in the sink, and the cup that sat neatly on the counter. She noticed the message at the corner of the mirror, which she had originally decided was some smudges she needed to clean.
"She killed herself. Oh my God. My Olivia killed herself."
"Ma'am, I'm sending paramedics to your home. They will do everything they can to save your daughter. She could be alive."
She was sobbing and staring down at her daughter. "If you saw her, you wouldn't question it. She's dead. I lost her."
A week later..
"Ms. Smith, I'm so sorry for your loss. We didn't know anything, no one did. Don't take the blame. You were a wonderful mother," one of her many nieces said to her as she stared at the casket.
That casket... It held her life. It held her pride and joy. It was her creation. The creation that had been ripped from her way too soon.
"It's hard losing your motherhood," someone else said. "You're so accustomed to being a role model, and then they're gone."
Streams of tears trickled down her face. "I will always be a mother. Olivia is still a daughter to me," she stated softly. "Not even death can take that from me."
"You need to accept it. She's gone," they murmured to her, resting their hand on her shoulder.
The grieving mother shook the hand off of her. "Don't touch me. You don't know what it's like. It's not that easy."
"She's dead, you can't help her anymore," they pleaded with her.
"I will continue thinking over and over again about what I did wrong, what I could have done differently to possibly save her. I might not have helped her the first time, but I will help her in my mind countless times until I can partially remove some of this guilt."
Five years later..
Ms. Smith sat in the grass, stroking the stone. She traced the letters of her deceased daughter's name slowly, as if she was remembering the whole of her life as she circled the O yet again.
"My dear Olivia.." She sighed. "Happy birthday. You would have been twenty one."
It was silent for a moment as the woman blinked away a tear. "I never thought we'd be celebrating like this, yet here we are," she mumbled. "I wish I could hear you call me Mom one last time."
She had tears streaming down her face; she finally gave up wiping them. "Olivia, I didn't know. I wish I paid attention more. I should've tried dating more so that you'd have a father figure. I didn't spend enough time with you."
The mother was covering her face, but she revealed her glistening skin to reach into her pocket.
"Remember the day it happened and I said I got you something?" She pulled out a keychain with a flower on it, the bubbly text spelling Olivia. "I knew you wanted one. Sweetheart, I kept it all this time. I hope you like it, but I can't bear giving it to you. I hold onto everything I can."
The mother pressed her hand to the gravestone, whispering, "I will never stop visiting you and talking to you. I love you so much. I did then, and I'll never stop. You are worth the world, and you are worth every tear I've shed in the past five years while wishing I had my baby girl to hold. I know you didn't know that then, and I really wish you did.. but please know it now. You're important."
