Niall, answer the door please

Yeah, you know everything , don't you, Bro?

Zayn went to stand by the window, pressing his sweating forehead against the cold glass. He  closed his eyes ,his body  slumped, limp with  exhaustion. Louis remained silent, staring at the information his mother sent. He quickly searched through the internet for more . The more he read, the more he understood. And they had totally missed this. It may have been one of their passing thoughts just before Zayn left the band but  how it hadn't jumped out at them this time, Louis was at a loss. Thinking back to Zayn's recent behaviour , he could see it all. All those tiny fragments falling into place, making the picture whole. But they had been so wrapped up in Niall, even Zayn. But now Zayn's seeming rejection of Niall finally made  some kind of sense.

"Zee?" Louis' voice was tentative, quiet.  Zayn's breath blew gently through his lips as he turned to face Louis, his face blank. "Zee?" Louis said again holding up the bottle of medication in his hand so Zayn could see it. "It was on your bed, I wasn't deliberately prying". Zayn reached out and snatched it from Louis' hand mumbling something about vitamins and supplements. "Please, don't lie. I know what these pills are. " Louis said firmly, looking straight into his eyes.

"Yeah, you know everything, don't you bro?" Zayn replied harshly then turned back to the window and staring back out at the torrential rain.

"This time, I do. Mirtazipine. It's an anti depressant. And 45mg is the maximum dose.Zee. You're sick, mate. Why didn't you tell us? None of us would  have judged you. Depression is as real an illness as measles.

Zayn snorted. "Yeah right"

Louis stood and wrapped an arm around zayn, hugging gently. "Zanie, you should have said. Have you been taking them?". Zayn shrugged then admitted he'd stopped taking them a week or so ago. Louis reviewed everything he'd just read about the drug and realised that Zayn's behaviour was due to sudden withdrawal side effects. "Zayn, you can't stop them, just like that. You obviously need them". Zayn's only response was to shrug again as he walked  back to the bed and sat down, elbows on his knees, his face hidden in  his hands. Louis went over to the tea making facilities and prepared some tea and also got Zayn a glass of water. He shook out one of the pills and held it out on the palm of his hand, holding out the glass of water with the other. Zayn looked up at him then the pill, slowly reaching out and taking it, swallowing it down with the proffered water. "Louis smiled at him kindly and murmured. "thanks, Zee" before turning back and getting the two cups of tea. He handed one to Zayn and sat down beside him. "Want to talk, lad?"

"I needed to think, Lou" he whispered. "I'm sorry I ran. I wasn't deserting Niall. I do care about him, I really do. I just don't know how to be around  him any more. I don't know how to be around you others either. Damn, I don't even know how to be around   myself. I'm lost, Lou". Zayn, turned his head away desperately trying to hide the tears falling from his eyes. He dashed them away with his hands but they were falling too fast and he gave up and just let them flow down his cheeks. He hated people seeing his vulnerable side. He hated when his heart showed. It made him feel too exposed, naked.  Louis put his tea down and pulled Zayn into his arms. Zayn laid his head on Louis' shoulder and continued sobbing as if  his heart would break in two.Louis sat there in silence, just smoothing his hand over Zayn's hair until his sobs slowed down then finally ceased. Zayn sat up in embarrassment. He  shook his head, as if to clear his mind then headed to the bathroom. Louis could hear water splashing as Zayn washed the traces of the tears away. before returning and sitting back down next to Louis.

"How about you start at the beginning and we'll go from there" Louis' voice was still quiet and gentle. Zayn nodded but continued to sit quietly, collecting his thoughts before he spoke.

"When we started the tour, it was like I was dying, slowly by inches. Nothing was real to me any more.The press were hammering me, I was getting hate and things were rocky with Perrie. You remember that night I left the stage because I was ill? You know I flew out that night to LA? Well, Management arranged for me to see a Doctor who diagnosed me with depression and prescribed those pills. At first they helped and I thought I'd be Ok. But I started missing out doses because of our schedules . I'd just forget , then those stupid pictures were in the press and it was like someone was nailing my coffin shut. I rang Simon and Management and they agreed to left me fly home. I thought it would help if I left the band and tried to make it work with Perrie. I was back taking the pills regularly nd felt better then things started going wrong. That row with Naughty Boy, then splitting with Perrie . I ran. It seems to be all I'm good at, running. I'm a really coward"

"No Zee, you aren't. It was brave to do what you did. You are not a coward, you're just sick" Louis reassured his friend. Zayn gave him a watery smile.

"Then Niall got so sick. My little brother. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't make him better. I was frightened he'd die. I'm still frightened. And when he screams and cries, I feel so helpless.  I am watching and hearing him being ripped apart and there's nothing I can f.cking do. Nothing. Lou, it's killing me. I wanted to be there for him, I still do, but I just don't know how. "

Louis looked at Zayn, really looked at him, like it was the first time he had ever seen him. Zayn was pale despite his naturally dark skin, his eyes red , puffy and  sore. Normally a beautiful golden brown, they were flat and lifeless. He looked gaunt. Louis reached out and carefully pulled up Zayn's Tee shirt and winced at the sight of Zayn's ribs. He had been covering his weight loss up with baggy clothes. "Oh, Zayn" he whispered and pulled the other man into a tight hug. "We'll work this out. we'll do it together. Come on mate, get your stuff, I'm taking you back to Liam's"

"No, I can't. They won't want me back" .Zayn resisted. Louis' only response was to throw the few things Zayn had out, into his backpack then go and stand expectantly by the door, waiting  patiently for Zayn to follow.Zayn sighed heavily but finally stood and followed his bandmate out of the room.

"This won't work, Louis. I can't do it" Zayn said desperately.

"Yes, you can and you will. Niall needs you, we need you. And all you have to do is be honest with Liam and Harry. They love you, mate. They'll listen"

"And if they don't?"

" I am the master of all wisdom, remember. They'll listen" Louis quipped. Zayn smiled briefly. The smile faded as quickly as it appeared but Louis knew that things would work out. He slid into the drivers seat of Liam's car and Zayn climbed in beside  him.

"Turned to auto theft have you, Lou?". Louis just grinned at him and wriggled his eyebrows up and down making Zayn chuckle. 

"