The One Who Lost the Battle to a Blade

.....And it Only Gets Worse...

I was bullied all through 6th and 7th grade, I had thoughts about cutting and other things but I didn't do it until now. My parents got into somethings and I was taken for a little while and it tore me apart. I couldn't handle it so I started to cut myself.

It kept getting worse and worse. I was hiding the cuts from the people I cared about the most. If they found out it would upset them really bad. I would where dark clothes and long sleeves and hoodies and pants. My cuts kept getting deeper and deeper...

I couldn't keep holding it back from this 3 people so I told one first. She is younger than me by 2 years and I'm 13 at this time so she was 11. She cried and we talked and it was ok. She was a little hurt I guess because she never thought I would be the one to do something like that. I told the next person and she was an adult. She helped me a little for the time I guess you could say. I told the third person and she took it to heart also because she was like a mom to me. She wanted to see it so I showed her. She warned me about it and I said okay I won't do it again. I tried soo hard not to break that promise. I failed that. I did it again.

This time I'm now a freshman in highschool and I just was hit really bad with school work, family issues, two deaths over the summer, and it was too much for me to take in at once. So I guess you can say I "released" it by taking a blade to my arm. I started to not care and I would wear short sleeve shirts and my parents didnt even notice.

I had to talk to my friends about it because they help me for a little while but when you have parents that don't care about what you have to do just what they have to do, it's kinda hard for me not to do some stupid crap like that. But anyway...

I came to school one and I was talking to my friend and she was acting a little wierd. So I asked her "what's wrong"? She said "nothing". I said "I highly doubt that because you aren't acting like you". Then she said "it's nothing ok! There is nothing anyone can do to help this situation!". So I said "you know you can tell me anything right"? She said "yes". I said "Well let's start now please". So she was telling me what was wrong and she was failing a class and I told her I would help her with the class because we have the same class at the same time. She was fine with that but something else was bothering her. It was her dad. He is a Medivac Pilot. And I guess they wanted to deploy him or something. And she was scared that he might not come home. When her dad is deployed she is scared to open her front door because she doesn't know if it will be her dad or a letter informing her family that he was killed in action. And she got in trouble for failing a class and little did I know she told me that she had an anxiety attack, and she cut for the first time in her life. I was shocked I didn't know what to say so I started to comfort ger because she doesn't usually cry and she did. I told her it will be ok. But I also told her I was going to double the amount of cuts she had onto myself. Yea I know it was stupid but if my friends are going to go through the pain so will I. If my friends are hurt so am I.