Damaged

Chapter Four

"I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom." - Edgar Allan Poe.

The next couple days go by painfully slow. With Jodie being the only girl speaking to me, I spend all my time with Stuart and Dante, the three of us steering clear of everyone else. "Morning." A voice says behind me as I make breakfast. I turn to see Sophie standing bashfully behind me. "Oh... Good morning." I hurry to finish my breakfast before heading out of the caravan to avoid any awkwardness. "That's weird." Stuart agrees, puffing out some smoke. "You're right." I agree, coughing as I smell the smoke for the first time. "Stuart... What is that?" I ask him curiously. "A cigarette." He shrugs self consciously. "No it's not." He extends the cigarette to me. "Well you try and see then." I bite my lip, thinking for a moment before accepting the cigarette and taking a drag. A minute later and I'm still coughing and spluttering. "What the fuck is that Stuart? It stinks." He composes his laughter and takes another draw, puffing out and saying, "Green." That one simple word makes me taste sick in my mouth. "AND YOU LET ME TAKE SOME?!" I yell, heads turning on the beach. "Yeah." He shrugs, laying down. "You're uptight, you need something to help you de-stress. You're supposed to be on vacation." 

"If I'm going to look for something to help me de-stress then I'll look at something in the legal area thanks very much." 

"Suit yourself but I'm telling ya, give it a few years and this stuff'll be legal... It's the perfect way to relax." I shake my head at him in awe. "I can't believe you. No, I mean it I can't. I mean, do it if you want but get me to do it too? Are you kidding me?!" He shrugs with a lazy smile creeping over his face. "I'm not kidding anybody." 

"Ugh!" I groan in defeat and storm off, unable to accept his nonchalant attitude.

"Did you know Stuart smokes green?" I demand of Sophie back in the caravan. We're alone in the sitting area but I know it wont be long before Becks appears clicking her fingers and flipping her hair. "What?" Sophie asks sounding bored as she flips through her magazine. "Stuart. Did you know he smokes green?"  

"Does he?" Again with the bored, flat tone. "Ugh," I throw her magazine onto the bench behind me. "I'm being serious here, Sophie. Did you know that Stuart's into weed?" She stands so we're on the same level as she says, "No... I didn't know that. But thanks ever so much for telling me otherwise I wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight." I narrow my eyes at her before turning and storming to the door. Becks comes out of their room in her pyjamas while I say, "You know, you used to be one of my closest friends. Someone I could look up to and spend everyday with. But now you've met her you're just one of her replacement wannabe plastics. You used to care about people. But I guess that's what happens when you're selfish." I turn on my heel and storm from the caravan, fuming over her lack of interest. Stuart could be doing so much more than just weed. If he continues with this depression and anxiety, if he continues with this drug... I shiver at the thought and bang down hard on the door before Bryan answers. "Whoa, who woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" I shove past Dante and throw myself onto the window seat in their sitting room. "Your sister." I tell Bryan shortly. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "One day she'll learn." I then realise he's wearing his running gear. He gives us a small salute before heading outside and jogging off to the beach. "So, what's up?" Dante asks, sinking onto the bench beside me with his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. "It's Stuart..." I admit. "I'm worried about him." Dante looks at me with questioning eyes. "Why would you be worried about him?" I bite my lip, thinking about it. "Promise you wont say anything?" He pretends to lock his lips and I smile. "He's smoking weed and I'm sure that isn't the only drug he's doing." Dante smiles and ruffles my hair. "You cutie, look at you all worried..." I look at him confused for a moment before he explains. "He's been smoking green since we got here. His room is always stinking of it. But it's not as if it's the most dangerous thing out there. He could be doing a lot worse." 

"Exactly... I'm just worried about him, Dante... He's been so strange recently and... I just don't want anything to happen to him." Dante gives me a soft smile. "You like him, don't you?" I sit back on the bench awkwardly. "I like him as a friend... He's a good guy, I don't like him anymore than that." Dante sighs and sits his coffee on the table beside him. "C'mere you, Miss Worrier." We laugh as he hugs me tightly, ruffling my hair. "Will you stop that?" I laugh, pulling back and flattening my hair. "Sorry, your hair's such an easy target," I narrow my eyes at him and sigh, still worried about what Stuart might be doing. "Oh c'mon then," Dante grumbles, getting to his feet and pulling me up beside him. "Let's go find Stuart."

We're halfway to the beach when Bryan jogs up to us. "Where you two of to looking so grim?"  

"We're going to find Stuart." Dante tells him. "He's on the beach." Bryan tells us, pointing towards the far end where one guy is laid out on the sand, separate from the crowd. "Oh God." I groan, realising he's pretty out of it. "I'll go see him." Dante says, patting my shoulder as he walks off. "What's up?" Bryan asks, taking a gulp of his water. "I'm worried about Stuart... I think he might be doing more than just weed." Bryan chokes on his water and then laughs. "What gave you that idea?" 

"I dunno he's just been acting weird recently... It's as if he's trying to get away from something..." Bryan raises an eyebrow. "And you got all that just from the fact that he smokes some green occasionally?" I shake my head. "Not just that Bry, he's been acting strange." Bryan smirks and puts a heavy hand on my shoulder as he says, "Anna you've only known him for a few days, since we came away. How do you not know that what you think is strange behaviour is actually the way he acts all the time?" There's a pause as I think of this possibility, realising that I'm probably worrying over nothing. "I'll let you think about that." He turns and jogs off, leaving me alone to secretly watch Dante and Stuart on the beach beside each other. I wish I knew what they were talking about.

By the time I reach them, I've come to the conclusion that Stuart isn't doing anything wrong. He's merely looking for a way to relax and I hardly blame him with the tension between us all since we came here. I've not made it easy for anybody to have any fun. This holiday was supposed to be the one big party. Shopping, sun bathing and water sports during the day and a constant party at night. That was the arrangement. A partying vacation for two whole weeks. Look at us now. Me worrying about Stuart smoking Green with only him, Dante, Bryan, Lee and Jodie speaking to me out of thirteen.

Dante smiles at me as I sink onto the sand beside Stuart. "Hey Anna... You changed your tune yet?" Stuart asks me happily. "Nope. But have fun Stu." I clamp a hand on his shoulder and he grins before throwing himself back on the sand saying, "Don't worry, I intend to."

Over lunch, I catch up with Bryan. "What's Stuart like, usually?" I ask him as we shuffle along the lunch queue. "Why d'you wanna know Anna?" He laughs, putting a can of soda on his tray. "I'm just worried." I shrug. "You're unbelievable, you know that? After everything this morning and you're still digging. Let the guy have some fun." 

"I am Bryan, don't get angry at me, I'm just looking out for a friend." There's a brief pause before he groans in surrender and says, "Normally he's quite quiet.... He's eccentric. He keeps himself to himself and doesn't bother anybody." 

"He's a loner?!" 

"Did I say that?" He sighs. "No, he hangs out with Lee and occasionally all of us, but he never does sports or any clubs at school. He stays away from parties and normally just chills at the weekend." 

"So no one sees him outside of school?" He shakes his head, ordering his food before turning to gauge my expression. "That's it, isn't it? You think he's a vampire... No! Worse, you think he's a Human-eating, weed-smoking zombie. I knew it!" I punch his arm, laughing. "No I guess he's just a quiet guy..." I look over at Stuart and Dante talking animatedly while eating lunch in one of the booths. He's such an attractive guy. He's mysterious and ruffled, tattooed and strong. He's such a good guy. He's funny and caring, entertaining and protective. He's been there when no one else has. Albeit I've known him five minutes. But I know more about Stuart than I know about most people on this trip. I can tell he has a past. And maybe that's why he's one of my friends. Because if there's something I'm good at, it's dealing with things in the past.