I'm not sure what I was thinking when I asked Harry to kiss me, well I know exactly what I was thinking but what was I hoping would come from it? That part I'm not sure of at all, but he did as he was asked and it was way more than what I could have expected or dreamed of, I've been on cloud 9 ever since.
Did I feel guilty for requesting the kiss and heavily enjoying it while with Jase? Nope, I didn't want to be with Jase and Jase knew that, he's known for quite some time. Why feel guilty and consider his feelings if he does the same things on a higher scale? Why feel guilty when he rather keep me in his miserable bubble than to let me be free and be with people who actually make me happy? Why feel guilty when that's all I've been doing for so long? Out of sickness for always feeling guilty for something, I couldn't feel that way about the kiss.
Harry's lips in contrast to Jase's were much softer, sweeter and genuine. They were like pink wet marshmallows if im being honest and I loved every bit of what he gave during that kiss and what he gave was his all.
"What are you thinking about over there" Jase said to me, he seemed.....better today, humbled or something he wasn't being demanding at all and I didn't know if is should be scared or relieved. His eyes pierced through me but I couldn't answer, not that I didn't want to but, he would not like what I had to say if I did so I looked right back to my essay that was due at the end of the period.
"Nothing" I mumbled, it was silent but I hoped he heard me. And he did but I still felt his eyes lingering on me.
"well...I want to talk"
"about?"
"us" that peaked my interest, he never wanted to talk about us he just made decisions regarding us.
"what about us, Jase?" I looked at him to be faced with a hesitant and almost child like face that eventually looked away.
"I'm driving you home today. We can talk in the car I don't want to discuss this in class...sorry to waste your time"
And with that he got up and walked out of the class while our stand in teacher just shook his head, being a stand in for the class before he knew exactly how Jase acted in class and him walking out was nothing new
But his behavior was and I was actually concerned this time around, I finished my essay and as soon as I was done I was thinking about what Jase could have to say. Would he let me leave? Would he finally confess that he's come to his senses? Or would he kidnap me and drive me far out to his dads cottage? I figured after the last thought it was time to stop and luckily the bell rang and I headed straight to Jase's car. I wanted to know what was up and the hopeful side of me wanted nothing more than to be told we were finally over.
As soon as I got in the car Jase slowly made his way on the journey to my house.
"so? What did you have to say?" I asked anxious to know what exactly had him all shy and anxious to talk, he was silent for at least 5 more minutes and that had me thinking the worse. Did he actually want to talk or was I about to have the worst experience of my life?
"i...uh"
"you?"
"I um..want to"
"want to what Jase?"
"I want to apologize." sort of confused but not entirely happy I was still in shock. He never apologized and the last time he did everything was beautiful for a long while till heather came into the picture.
"uh, for what?"
"for everything" we reached my house and he pulled up to the curb, thankfully my dad wasn't home or he would have noticed and ripped Jase's head right off.
"I haven't been the best to you and I know that, shit, I've been the WORST to you. I'm supposed to be the one person if anyone to protect you and make you happy and I've been doing a rubbish job at it. I've taken on so many things, so many commitments, so many troubles, so much hurt and took the fact that I had no clue how to handle any of it out on you and I'm so sorry" his eyes we're faucets at this point, he paused to try and gather his emotions while I sat there blank for once I could honestly say I wasn't sure what direction this would go in. after he calmed down he tilted his head back and closed his eyes while gripping the steering while tight, knuckles turning white.
"a couple of days ago my dad came back home drunk, started cussing and breaking my moms favorite décor, punching holes in the wall and breaking family heirlooms. Started roughing my mom up, pushing her against the wall and yelling in her face about money and asking her if she really love's him. I went down to help her and I got in a fight with him instead. He looked at me with a hunger for blood and even I was genuinely scared but my mom, small and fragile as she is, tried to push him off of me, she wanted to make peace or whatever but he wasn't having it and neither was i. eventually I pushed him off and laid in some good punches myself after it was all said and done I brought my mom to the nicest hotel I could take her and we spent a couple days, she asked me "how is your girlfriend? The cute sweet one with the nice eyes and the cute little afro! Oh does she still have that?" I told her yeah and I told her you were okay but I didn't dare tell her that the situation I just took her from is the same situation I had put you in. and that's when I realized. How could I ever curse my dad over what he does but put you in the same situation? How could I for so long drown out your feelings and lively hood just so I could be like him? A monster like him? I want it to stop, I want to make peace, I want to be a better man than my father could ever be Ang, and to start I am apologizing to you here today, I'm apologizing and...I'm letting you go"
he said the last part so low but It was all I could hear. Loud and clear his declaration rang in my ears. He was letting me go, after all this time he was finally letting me go.
"I thank you for putting up with me and not strangling me when you probably should have, I'm so sorry I've broken you down but I'm done with that and I hope you can forgive me and start on a path to be the best you that I know you can be" and with that he kissed my forehead and opened the doors.
"Bye ang"
"Bye Jase, I really hope you can be the better man you wish to be"
"me too"
And he was off, just like the weight on my shoulders.
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how long do y'all think she'll actually be free for? think its for real?
vote, fan, comment <3
