Harry
It was almost 2 Am now. I went to put mum in bed, she had been falling asleep on the couch lately and I always saw tears streaming down her face. I was physically and mentally exhausted, in my minds fuzzy state I could have convinced myself that I hadn't actually experienced the draining situation I had weeks prior but, ran a 10K marathon everyday for two weeks straight instead.
Dallas was an important part of our family but with the last couple of situations being so nasty, it started to take a hefty toll on our mom. Seeing her energy drain, her joy slowly deteriorate and her physical appearance age 30 years, all as if she was battling the illness herself. We both wanted to see our mother happy and we all knew Dallas couldn't help herself anymore but we couldn't fix her and that was something we were all struggling to comprehend. It was something that we had to learn to deal with but with the illnesses in human and inanimate form surrounding her how could we? ultimately that's why we left, mothers health wasn't doing good anymore and it was time that she stopped worrying about people who didn't want help.
Dallas, once a bright light in our soon to be hectic family, used to be able to sit down and hold normal conversations, she could stay in one place, she could look me in the eyes with a heart full of gold not regret. She was always just one of those people, the ones that bring a smile on your face as soon as you saw 'em, she would bake, she would twirl and sing the songs she remembered from cheer camp, she was who I confided in about our no good father. Her precious light was dimmed down quick when our father got into gambling and alcohol. He would come home on tangents, taking the allowance he had given me nights before, forced mother and Dallas to give him the earnings from their jobs and would wreck the entire house once we got to a point of not having anymore to give. Soon he started focusing less on us and the money we couldn't provide him and more on the fact that he needed to leave the country, make a family that could "sustain a man like him".
It scared mother and I but, it scarred Dallas the most, she looked up to our father. she had a bigger desire in her heart to make him burst with pride at her every move than I ever did and when he finally left, so did she. Coming home at 4 in the morning, hysterically laughing, banging on my bedroom door, telling me that we're all gonna end up like him soon enough. she had fallen into his trap of destroying everything and everyone around him and before we knew it Dallas was hooked on more drugs than years either of us had been alive. The straw that broke the camels back was when mum and I were coming back from one of my final soccer games before the next school year. Dallas was in the kitchen with 4 other bodies we were more likely to see in a alley than at school or a 9 to 5.
High of their rocks they were laughing and lighting up blunts and various other substances, laughing their eyes out. Dallas, was more silent, she was shooting up and her eyes were practically rolling behind and popping right out of the sockets.
"DALLAS!" I was mad then, so mad. She wanted to destroy herself that was fine, but in mothers kitchen? Her home? That was were I crossed the line.
"All of you, out NOW" I was dragging pipes, lighters, spoons, rubber bands and everything they were using to the floor with no care of the price they paid for their shitty pick me ups.
"hey man those co-"
"I SAID OUT"
It took their shook and high bodies some time to leave but finally the last made their exit and Dallas was left laughing, her high getting to her.
"what a party pooper you are, lil bro!" Mother was sobbing now.
"What the FUCK do you think you're doing"
"having some fun, wanna try" she replied pushing a needle my way. I had enough, she had to go, I loved her but I couldn't have mother see her like this. Her only daughter offering her only son heroine. I did what I could do, I dragged her ass right on out, surprised she didn't fight but knew she couldn't and sat her on the curb.
"If you want to act like trash you can sit with some, come home when you get your act together" that's all I could say but I wanted to say so much more, tears in my eyes I couldn't look at her anymore, how did we get down this road?. Walking away all I could hear was "Good fucking look trying to be the hero once again, we'll see what happens when you're asking for my dealers number 'cause you can't take the pain anymore" she mumbled chuckling, I just trekked on.
I wanted what we used to have back but if the altercation earlier took a turn like this, no doubt she was on something still. Kissing her on the forehead and Closing my mothers' door I sighed and went back downstairs. Being in the house lately made my chest squeeze and I had to be outside constantly.
The crisp air hit me like some relief I seriously needed. I would find a way to fix the situation we had going on but once again, for the time being I needed my mind anywhere else . Hearing giggles I saw Layla and Shay coming out of Angels' house, meaning she was still up. I waited for them to drive off and waited another 10 minutes before I could get it together and go.
Anxiously ringing the doorbell a couple of times, I knew I needed to talk it out with someone and, Angel was the perfect option, she listened to me better than anyone else at this point.
"whatever you losers think you forgot isn't here okay!" I heard her chuckle out as she opened the door
"Well it's nothing I forgot more like something I'd like to share"
"Oh!" she looked visibly shocked and I couldn't blame her
"can I come in?"
"um, yeah, yeah! Of course"
Her house smelt like the welcoming scent of cinnamon sticks and apples, a scent that used to linger in our old house before we left.
"its so late, are you okay?" she said leading us to her room.
"yeah, I'm..." I contemplated saying that one phrase everyone knows is not the truth, ever.
"I'm not okay, actually"
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