Like Mother Like Me [Jerome Valeska]

Prologue-ish- Unlucky Number Five

     Harley sat on the couch eating a push-pop and cheese puffs as she waited on Joker to get home. She was practically bouncing with the news.
     She rubbed her belly adoringly, "Five is a lucky number, ain't it?" She said to the little man in her tummy, just as Joker walked in. He snapped the lights off and flopped on the couch, splayed across Harley's legs, "Who were you talkin to Har? I'm not in the mood for anything crazy."
     Harley looked at the man in her lap with absolute love and adoration. "Puddin'?!" Joker peeked an eye open, an invitation for Harley to continue, "I'm still pregnant!!" Joker sat up, "Well we need to celebrate! I say we include Batman and a bat-man, for when our arms get tired."
     Joker went to stand, but Harley held him down, "No. Puddin, I really think we need to lay low for a while. We have a baby on the way! Let's just enjoy us." Joker pulled his arm away and stood, "I don't even want kids! Do you really think anyone's going to take me seriously if I have forehead wrinkles and whining brat on my arm that isn't you?! The answer is yes, Harley. They will take me very seriously. Have fun eating your popsicle Har, tell me how the baby works out."
     With that he left, slamming the door with a hearty, 'don't wait up'. Harley cried, the melting popsicle dripping down her hand and forming a frown on her face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A Month Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Harley sat on her couch, "He hasn't come back, Red! He doesn't even know!" She cried into her best friend's lap. Poison Ivy rolled her eyes, "You know what Harley? He wasn't that great anyway. Have you ever thought of adopting a baby?"
Harley's tears immediately dried, "Why I never! Ohhh, Red, you're a genius!" She yelled as she threw her arms around Ivy's neck, smacking a huge kiss on her cheek. "C'mon, you gotta skedattle. I'm sure no one will give a baby to Harley Quinn, but how can you turn down a sweetie pie like Harleen Quinzel? You can't! Go go go!" Harley yelled as she rushed Ivy out of the front door. She was going to get her baby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     "BATMAN!" Harley cried out from the top of some random building in Downtown Gotham. She felt his presence, though she didn't hear it. Harley turned around to face the man her former lover despised, "Batman, I need a baby!"
     The dark knight began to leave, "I'm flattered Harley, but no thank you." Before he could disappear, Harley ran in front of him, "Not like that! I want to adopt a baby, but no one will take me!" Harley shook her head, the once again blonde strands coming loose from her bun, "I need your help. I haven't been able to keep a baby and this is my last hope. No more Joker, no more crime. I promise, just help me."
     Tears streamed down her face. Batman thought to himself. No more Joker and Harley? That'd be helpful, Joker got out of a lot of situations because of Harley. "Why me? Why would you ask me of all people? What would make you think I would help you?"
     Harley looked up at him, her tears starting to settle, "Because I know a good man when I see one, Bruce Wayne, and whether you're this, or a billionaire playboy, you are a good man, who knows when people mean well."
     Harley grabbed his arm now, looking into his eyes as she processed the tense muscles and wide eyes. Of course she'd known his secret identity. Her job was to read people for what they were. "You have friends in high places Bruce. Please.... And no, Joker doesn't know."
     The vigilante spoke, "I will get you an appointment by tomorrow. But no more Joker, no going to Arkham to visit him, none of it." Harley nodded furiously, "I want the best for my baby. No matter how much I wanted him to be, Mis- the Joker, was not."
     "Wait on my call tomorrow. You have to be ready to show up anywhere." Harley tackled Batman in a hug, "You won't regret this, I promise!" She ran off to get her house ready. She'd have a baby soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two Months Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Harley held her baby in her arms. "This is your new home! Look, I got all the stuff you'll need, and this is Auntie Red!"
     Poison Ivy looked at the little girl over Harley's shoulder, "So, whatcha gonna name her?" Harley looked down into the big brown eyes staring up at her, "Sharleen Quinzel, like her mama. She's gonna be-" Before Harley could finish, the door was thrown open, "Harley, I'm home!"
     Joker watched the scene in front of him, "There's our little bundle of joy!" He began to make his way to Harley and the baby, but Ivy stopped him, "Nope. No more Joker for Harley, so beat it."
     He peeked around Ivy's body at Harley, "C'mon Har! No more Joker?" He laughed, doubling over and wiping imaginary tears out of his eyes. When he sat up his face was grave and serious, "We both know that won't happen. Now go take off that ridiculous outfit and get dressed."
     Harley didn't even look at him. She knew that if she did, she'd fall into his beautiful green eyes and drown. Luckily, she didn't have to do anything. Batman burst through the door, snatching the Joker up, "You're going back to Arkham, Joker. No more Harleen for you."
     Just as quickly as he came, the two men were gone. "You got help from Batman?" Harley looked up at her best friend, "I had to. Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow, I'm gonna put Sharleen to sleep."
Poison Ivy kissed the top of the baby's head and left. Once the door closed, Harley walked to her room, "Your crib is in here, Sharley. Mama's gonna be right here all night."
     The two got situated and went to sleep. Harley bouncing in excitement.

     "My baby!" Harley yelled out as she shot up in her bed. She ran to the crib and picked up the sleeping baby, "I won't ever let anything happen to you. I'm gonna move us away soon. Far away from Mista-The Joker. We'll be safe, and happy, and mama's gonna have a good name in the town. I promise."