usually I can hold myself together during the day, distract myself with mindless tasks. but at night... I start to unravel. I feel like I am struggling to keep my head above water. I let my guard down, I trusted you. over & over again you disappointed me, and you used a half assed apology to escape the guilt. it's my mistake though, because I let you do this. every. single. time. but now... you can keep those apologies you hand out like samples of your bitter love, because I'm close to not wanting it. I have walked all over myself what feels like a thousand times to try & keep tattered remains of what I thought we had together, but it is so worthless now. I realize that "we" never meant anything to you. maybe I am better off alone because no one has ever loved me like I love them. I have never felt like somebody wants or needs me at all. maybe I'm just meant to be alone. I guess I'm just a mess. and maybe I'm just lonely. or bitter, but I know my minds a storm & my chest is empty. I really thought you might've been different, even if it sounds cliché. in the back of my mind I knew to be careful, I'd learned that from previous experiences. but something about you made my guard go down. I thought you might change my view on guys. all those nights talking on the phone, using hundreds, maybe thousands of texts a day when a phone call wasn't available. the conversations exchanged between us, the things you've told me. how is it possible for you to not feel the same? how was it possible for you to leave without a second thought of how I'd react to your absence?
