I wake up & I have a stupid message from him. I get happy before realizing it's probably not what I would love it to be. so I don't get my hopes up. it's just an ayy. that's all. that's it. I feel like my stomach is on the floor & it's barely 7:30 AM! how do you fall out of love? how do people make it look oh, so easy when they detach themselves from someone who they've tattooed onto their heart. I only wrote on his in pencil. it's not fair, he just erased me. I don't matter. I know I sound attention seeking, I know I sound like a whining child that didn't get her way. that's not what I intended this to be like. I swear. I'm not always like this I'm just... upset. having urges to hurt myself, even though I'm months clean. I had been so happy before he walked right in & out of my life, even though I've pushed him out. I just miss when we first met. I just miss that one week where he made me so fucking happy. we opened up to each other, we face timed everyday until we couldn't anymore, we talked about our problems, exes, parents, everything. it's not the easiest thing for me to trust someone but I just felt like I could trust him because he opened up to me just like a book flips pages in the wind. I just miss those moments, when we made tiny dots on what I thought would be an endless timeline.
