Have you ever been in love before? It feels so magical and beautiful. It feels so happy. It's warm in the heart. Your heart pounds like crazy when your talking to the person or being around them. Your blood rushes through your veins.
You go crazy for that person. But have you ever have the person who you love tell you that they didn't care? Ignore your text? Break you into pieces? Kill you in the inside? Breaking your whole entire life slowly? Ignore you and avoid every conversation with you? Does your heart break? Does it ache from the pain they gave you? Does it tear you down every inch of your heart and body? Do you cry? Do you break down into tears every time you think of them or even see or look at them? Hear there name you can't stop your self from loving them and crying because they don't want you....
You need them but they don't care. They don't love you. They don't talk to you. They break you. They don't even notice because they don't care. They want to hurt you. They leave you broken. They acted like they loved you and cared but really they didn't in the first place. But you fell for it. There sick trap. They pulled you in and kicked you out.
Do you get anxiety from this? Don't you just want to be loved? Feel loved again? Don't you miss it? The love you thought you had? Do you listen to songs about heart break and understand every word? And it tears your apart because it reminds you of the person who hurt you so much. Nobody has ever hurt you like that.....
I've felt this all. I'm trapped. I can't get out of this mess he created for me. Derek hurt me. He got me into a hole that I can't get myself out of. Nobody can get me out. Nobody understands this horrible pain. It feels like he's gashed a knife into my heart when it was still together.
Now it feels broken and lost. Why didn't he love me like I loved him? What went wrong? What did I do? What's going on with my mind? Why do I still love him? He killed me in the inside. He told me he didn't care. I still care about him. What happened to the love that use to exist? It felt so real.
Now I'm shattered. He said he didn't trust me after I was there for him with everything. I helped him so much and after I helped him he treated me like dirt. Like I wasn't human. He didn't care that he hurt me. He admitted it to. It aches my heart to know this. To know this love was all a lie.
He said I was negative when I worked on my self confidence for him.... And he acted like it was nothing. I tried to be better for him. What he hated about me is what I changed about myself. Now my self esteem is low. It can't be high because he tore me down. He killed the light that was left inside me. Now it's dark. I'm dark. That's why I can't find my true self because the light inside me is killed.
This is the worse feeling ever. I hate to feel this way. I wish somebody could save me from this heart break.. It's killing me. Nobody even notices that I'm just dying inside and out. I've been getting less sleep every single day. I'm hurting myself by not getting sleep and my anxiety has gotten worse.
If I didn't fall in love then I wouldn't be hurt like this. I wouldn't feel this pain. I want to be painless. I want this ache to go away. This burns my heart to know he never loved me. I fell so hard. He was my first love. I wish I could go back in time and never date him. I regret this all.
I'm depressed without him. Because without him there is no me. And now I don't have him. And I'm not myself anymore. I was happy until he hurt me.... I hate this all and I want it to go away. And I can't be saved. Can someone save me from drowning? I want to breathe again. I want to feel okay again.
There is a knot in my throat keeping me from asking for help in this journey without him and his love. I can't express my feelings in words. Derek..... I still think about him every second of the day... And how he hurt me.. Deep down I'm still so in love with him.... My love for him is bulletproof but he shot me.
I can't forget about him. His name is burned in my throat. I wasted a year and 1 month on him.. Loving him.. Wanting him.. Caring for him... All I want is him and his love.... But I didn't win any of that. Life is screwing me over.... Derek screwed me over.... After we broke up it hit me that he never cared or loved me.
I miss everything about him. I don't want him but I do... I love him so much but I shouldn't love him for what he did he needs to pay but... I never want to see him hurt.. And I don't want to be the reason he hurts.... I don't want to do anything to hurt him.... But I do at the same time..... I'm just.... Done...
I don't like this feeling like I've said like a billion times and I still haven't gotten everything out yet I keep trying to.. Pierce the veil and mayday parade understands my broken heart the most.. There music understands me the most.. What happened was terrible.... Derek was my love.... And he played me over..
This honestly kills me... Maybe I wasn't meant to have love... Maybe I wasn't meant to be loved.. Maybe..... Love can be wonderful and the best thing you ever feel..... But love can also tear you into pieces and break every bit of your bone and separate your body into pieces....
Before I never had a heart attack and I never had heart burn... But then Derek hurt me and everything hit me and now I have heart burn everyday and I've had a heart attack once.... The day Derek hurt me the most.... I can't get him out of my head and how much he hurt me... It all hurts and it's digging me in a deeper hole.... I'm miserable without him.... And he's doing great without me... He's doing a-okay and I'm falling apart without him. I'm dying and he's fully alive. Living an amazing life without me. And I'm broken without him..
Everyone around me is breathing fine but I'm struggling for air. I'm struggling to get out of this depression I'm back in. He's damaged me.. Once again... Being in love is magical, but it can tear you down to your core. When I fell in love, it was amazing. Until the person stopped talking to me. I tried to be his perfection but could never win his love. He tore me down inch by inch. Every bit of me. Now I lie here hurt and broken and I've completely lost myself.
I'm trying so hard.. It's funny how people think they can fix me but they can't. Nobody can fix me but myself. And I need help and advice but people say the same thing. Get over it it's just a stupid guy. It's not like that though. It was love. Love sucks.
