I've awoken with a familiar feeling.
It felt like you.
I turn over believing it was you and felt nothing.
I jolt awake looking for you.
And see nothing there.
I start crying.
I keep having dreams like this.
Awakening to a imaginary you.
I feel myself tear up but wipe them away.
I get enough strength to leave the bed.
I head to he bathroom.
I've had this plan in my head.
Why not die for you?
I smile in agreement.
I grab the pills from the drawer.
As I open them I stop.
I felt something.
A hand.
Touch my shoulder.
I turn around and see nothing.
I then hear something.
"Don't do it Lou."
I drop the pills.
Them going all over.
I start cry.
I couldn't do it.
You came and saw me.
For the first time.
That gave me strength.
I'd stay for more days.
I still wanted to feel pain though.
I grabbed my razor.
Broke it and toke the blade out.
I sat down on the floor.
I placed it over my skin.
And brought it down.
It felt great.
Releasing the pain.
I smiled to myself.
I wiped the evidence of blood.
Put the razor away.
And go back to bed.
I never have enough energy.
I keep falling asleep.
Having dreams about you.
I don't know what's happening.
I think this is my life now.
Dreaming about you all day and night.
I'd want to live this life everyday.
