Dead on 10:00 Conor burst his way through the doors looking exhausted, he obviously didn’t get much sleep last night and neither did I. The same question just ran through my head over and over again. Do I love him? I racked my brains for the answer but I just didn’t know anymore. He looked at me with pleading eyes and I could tell he had to get something off of his chest.
“Tell me (Y/N).” I could hear the pain in his voice as he said these three words. I was confused and he could tell by the look on my face. “Tell me if you still love me.” He was almost whispering now. “Please…I just need to know.” I couldn’t look at him as I was afraid I would start to cry.
“I-I don’t know any more Conor…” a strangled cry escaped from his mouth and he was torn, I could tell.
“I know you do (Y/N), tell me you do, I know deep down you still do, I love you (Y/N), I know I haven’t stuck by you when you’ve needed me most and that I left to London all of a sudden but everything’s been a mistake. I am trying (Y/N), I am trying to make you happy but I think I’m doing the opposite. I love you (Y/N) so just tell me that you love me too. Don’t walk away from me, don’t you dare, because if you do, I don’t know how I could go on without you, you’ve helped me reach my dream, you’ve helped me be a better man and you have helped me to love someone as much I never thought was never possible, I think about you every second, every minute and every hour of the day (Y/N) and you’re killing me, just say the words (Y/N), say the words that you know I want to hear, that I NEED to hear. I will stay with you through thick and thin as long as you love me.” Conor had burst into tears now and I hated seeing him like this, it was killing both of us. It felt like our relationship was becoming a sickness...He’s cheated, he’s left and he’s famous with girls drooling over him. I just don’t know if I can trust him anymore. Trust is so important if a relationship is to last and without it being there, your relationship will fall slowly apart and I think that’s whats already happening with mine and Conor’s.
“I can’t Conor…” I shook my head and tears streaked down my face. “Not yet, I’m confused and I’m lost and I don’t know what’s happening to us anymore. I got hit by a fucking car because I was trying to get away from you. Maybe our relationship isn’t meant to be…” It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest as I said these words but it hurt even more to see Conor’s face. He looked…broken.
“YOU CAN! YOU LOVE ME I KNOW YOU DO!” He walked over and fell to his knees by the side of my hospital bed. He grabbed one of my hands in both of his and held it tightly. “You can’t leave me (Y/N), I need you.” He looked up at me, tears filling up once again.
“Do you want me to lie to you Conor? Is that it? You want me to tell you I love you and think everything will be okay again? No it won’t be! Whether I say I love you or not won’t change anything will it? Because every day I will doubt you, our trust we once shared is gone. I can’t trust you and you can’t trust me, this is how it’s always going to be now.” Conor shook his head violently and he stood up from his feet, releasing his grip on my hand.
“No you’re wrong, I can trust you. And you can trust me. You’ve just got to give me another chance to let me show you-” I cut him off midsentence.
“How many chances have I got to give you Conor until I believe I can trust you!? I’ve given you so many chances and you’ve disappointed me every time! This! Us! It isn’t working! Yes I love you Conor there I said it, but the love I feel for you isn’t strong enough for what we have to keep together. We will fall apart time and time again and you know we will! It’s just not going to work! This relationship isn’t going to work and we can’t force it to! No matter how much you love me Conor, I think it’s best that we just go our separate ways now…it’s for the best. You’re famous now. Did you really think it would work? No! You’re going to be away so much and I’ll be here waiting for you to get back. It’s not fair for both of us. You’re going to be miserable, I’m going to be miserable, we’re both just going to be miserable! You know I’m right Conor so just let me go!” I couldn’t believe the words just came out of my mouth. I was ASKING Conor to leave me. The pain on his face was so strong I wish I could take back every word I’d just said and tell him that I DO love him. Deep down I do. But our relationship wouldn’t work now he’s famous, it wouldn’t, it just couldn’t!
“B-but I love you (Y/N)…” He wiped away the tears that were falling down his face once again. I’d never seen Conor like this and knowing the fact I was the cause to see him like this, hurt me even more.
“I love you too Conor and you don’t know how much I wish it was enough…” The door opened and a nurse came in.
“Visiting time is over, I’m sorry she needs to rest Sir.” She touched Conor’s shoulder and he flinched. “I’m sorry but you really need to go.”
“I’ll be back (Y/N), I’m not letting you end it with me like this.” I wiped away the tears that had fallen once again and I shook my head at him.
“Don’t.”
YOU ARE READING
New Boy
FanfictionThe one thing that life has taught me, is to forgive and forget. Why stay mad at someone when you could both be loving each other again. However, there's only so much you can take from someone and it can become a struggle. But life also told me, nev...
